


After all this

by MoviesOfMyDreams



Category: Actor RPF
Genre: But it all pays off, F/M, Falling In Love, First Meetings, Fluff, I clearly don't know how to use tags, Marvel Universe, Movie Reference, My First Fanfic, Past Relationship(s), Post-Captain America: Civil War (Movie), Seb takes forever to realize, Sex, Slow Build, very slow indeed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-07-14
Packaged: 2018-07-18 14:40:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 42,221
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7319242
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MoviesOfMyDreams/pseuds/MoviesOfMyDreams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Sebastian gets a part in a very exciting movie. Turns out the screenwriter is pretty cute. Relationships and distance get in the way, but it might, eventually, pay off. </p><p>In other words, I wondered "What would happen if a girl wrote a role for Sebastian?" and things spiralled out of control from there.</p><p>WHAT CAN YOU EXPECT? A cute love story told from both sides, Anthony Mackie being a good friend, Sebastian Stan being perfect and... I'm trying to convince you to read it, so I'll stop there and simply ask you to PLEASE READ you'd make me so happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Before all this

**Author's Note:**

> 1\. It's my first fic, I have no clue if anyone will read it (if yes, THANK YOU) and if it will be enjoyable for anyone other than myself, but I hope so!
> 
> 2\. This basically is a shameless exploration into my undying obsession with Sebastian Stan. Please, come and join me.
> 
> 3\. It starts in 2017, after Infinity Wars Part 1 is filmed. And it's not an A/U, but for storytelling purposes, in this, Infinity Wars part 1 and 2 are shot separately, as in real life they are going to shoot it in one block.
> 
> 4\. A LOT of movies are mentioned. Every one from Sebastian's filmography is real, the one Sienna is writing is fake and I took a lot of liberties with the Marvel ones. 
> 
> 5\. There are many mentions about a lot of real people, directors and actors, just for fun. The original female character is loosely based on moi, but feel free to picture yourself.
> 
> 6\. English is not my first language, if you notice any awkward mistakes, please forgive me, we're all just trying to stay alive.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meet Sienna, she's a young up-and-coming screenwriter who has REALLY specific ideas about who should play her characters.  
> Meet Sebastian, you already know who he is, that's why you're here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's sort of a Prologue, the audition takes place in December 2017.

**Sienna**  

Sienna grew up with books and movies, in museums and art camps. She also grew up with one foot where she was born, Montreal, and the other wherever her dad was called in for work. That had been LA for a couple years in her late teens, China for 6 months when she couldn't even remember it, but the older she became, the less often she'd follow. Her father was a movie director and her mother, a writer. So, at 25, when she had announced to her parents that she wanted to write a screenplay, their reaction was “Of course you are.” It was the perfect combination of her two first passions, both passed down by her parents, writing, and cinema. So she did. Well, she tried.

Writing her first movie had been a roller coaster of emotions for Sienna, punctuated with freaking out moments (in the realm of “Why the fuck did I think I could write a screenplay!?), but also with extreme pride, like when she had typed the last word of the last page. Finally. But that's never when writing a script ends.

Many re-writes and almost two whole years after, her dad had helped her getting it into the hands of the right people, important people, and by a freaking miracle of God, she guessed, the movie actually got picked up. Everything happened so fast, a couple meetings in LA and boom, her movie, titled _Mary_ , was gonna start shooting in a few months. After talking it out, her father had agreed that directing his daughter’s screenplay would hit too close to home for him. He also was a producer, so he was going to fulfill this role on the movie. The shoot would have to be in the UK, where the story was taking place, so the studios suggested John Crawley, who was based in London, as the director.

When Sienna had her first meeting with John and the studio executive, Sharon, the question of casting came up. It was such an important thing to Sienna, she had waited for the subject to be brought to the table with _great_ expectations. Why? Because Sienna had really specific ideas for the actors who should portray her characters.

The screenwriting process had been hard. Much, much harder than she ever could have imagined and about halfway through the process, the inspiration started going MIA. In the hopes of finding motivation again, Sienna had done a little exercise that really helped: a pretend casting (yes, on a private Pinterest board, what else are you gonna do) and it had worked. It had informed some of the dialogues and given a face to the characters, which made her fall in love with them all over again. On the down side though, it made her _very_ attached to the idea of these actors playing her characters, and she had trouble seeing anybody else in the roles.

The movie was a period piece that took place in London, so, obviously, most of the characters were British, and she had taken that into account. She also had thought about age, previous movie roles, and physicality. It was not a random casting, it had been cooking up in her mind for months before she was truly satisfied with it. And that was when the prospect of the movie actually being made was just a fantasy. Now that it was a reality, she figured it might as well be exactly how she envisioned it.  

So, on that Thursday afternoon in LA, sitting around a bottle of red wine with the director and the studio executive, Sienna had made her very thoroughly planned pitch for the actors she saw as her four main characters. John and Sharon had made a point of telling her they would take it into account, but could _absolutely_ not promise anything. Yeah, yeah, she understood that.

The movie was the story of a female writer living during the end of the 18th century in Britain, which were very exciting times for thinkers and artists. It was a story about revolution, about fighting for what you believed in and overcoming obstacles, but mostly, it was a love story.

For her main character, Mary, Sienna suggested Alicia Vikander. For her best friend, she had Taron Egerton in mind, mostly because they both had such great chemistry in _The Testament of Youth_.

She also had ideas for the main character’s two love interests. The first one had to be a little older, and she had always pictured Benedict Cumberbatch. The second one was closer to Mary (so Alicia’s) age, and had to be American. He had been the hardest to (pretend) cast for Sienna, by far. The character was quite unlikable and she had had trouble writing his scenes, until she tried her hand at all these _Avengers_ movies, starting methodically (as she always did with pretty much anything) with the first one. She had never really noticed that actor before, but he was simply perfect for that role.

“Have you guys seen any of the Captain America movies?” Sienna asked John and Sharon, who looked back at her in disbelief.

Neither of them had seen the movies, unfortunately for the actor she had in mind who had a very… curious filmography. After starting off with, like, 8 _Gossip Girl_ episodes and a couple shitty horror movies, the actor had had small parts in indies and _some_ famous movies, but never anything where he was the star. His role in the Marvel Cinematic Universe was his most famous one.

“Do you know who Sebastian Stan is?” she inquired.

The name rung a bell. After scrolling through a couple pictures of the Romanian born actor and a quick look at IMDB, (“Really? Him? Wait - he was in _The Martian_? What role… Oh… Okay.” John had said.) they knew who she was talking about.

Still, they were less than convinced about the choice. She channeled her inner salesperson/lawyer, and proceeded in making a case for Sebastian Stan as the character of “Thomas”.

First, the actor had to be likable, because the character was absolutely not. And being likable, Sebastian had that covered. Probably the reason why after being in the first Captain America movie for what could not be more than 12 minutes, they had named the second movie after his character and Marvel had signed him on for 9 fu-cking movies.

Secondly, the actor was very good at “the lovable asshole” role and/or with characters that seemed one way, but were truly another. And that fit Thomas’ description exactly. Also, he was the right age, looked the part (the part being a smug, charming soldier) and had very devoted fans that would show up for the movie. And she rest her case.

They were _still_ completely on the fence, but agreed to have him come in and read, which was really all Sienna asked for. So that was it, it was on, the movie was being made, her pretend, Pinterest casting would actually come and read and she couldn’t have been any happier, or terrified for that matter. Oh _God_.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

For the last 6 years or so, his career had been completely insane. He had been propelled into stardom, from smaller parts in okay movies to being one of the most important characters in the MCU. He loved it, he was not complaining, but he had always been kinda scared something like this would happen because Sebastian had wanted to become an actor to act, not to be a celebrity, which is what it felt like at the moment.

His career had started slowly, but surely. One of his first high profile gigs being _Gossip Girl_ , he got worried he’d start being typecast. He knew what he looked like, he knew he was tall and fit and had a sharp jawline, he knew he could have easily fell into the romantic comedy lead. But he prefered more complicated roles, characters with layers and darkness. Maybe why he ended up playing all these disappointing sons (a lot of those, when he came to really think of it…) and assholes. But he loved challenging roles, that’s what he was made for. Superhero movies on the other hand, he had never seen it coming.

He really wanted to make sure he’d get compelling roles in between the Marvel movies, so he’d have something to show for when the Winter Soldier would retire. Up to now, the choices he had made hadn't really paid off. For some reason, he felt like he was not considered an _actor_ yet. For some reason, he was never called into auditions for dramas or serious, grown up roles. He kept reminding himself that many actors that he admired had really kicked off their careers in their late 30s, early 40s. But he was 35 now, _now_ was the time.

His agent knew he wanted that kind of role, and Sebastian knew she was trying her best. Every week or so, she’d call him with a new script. Some were very exciting, then he’d audition and lose it to Jamie Dornan or Richard Madden pretending to have an american accent. Some were simply not good enough, and he’d let them go, knowing he had to be careful and play his cards right for his career to steer the way he wanted it to go.

Then, he got the script for _Mary_. Supposedly, the people behind it had him in mind for one of the parts. He did not know the author, his agent had mentioned it was a first script, which meant it could go either the genius or failure way.

He read it in like an hour, and immediately fell in love with the universe, with the characters, with the voice behind the script. He knew right away which role they would want him to read for, there was only _one_ american character. He did not want to let himself get too excited, so he chose to wait until after the audition to tell his family or his girlfriend about it. The audition was 3 weeks from now, in LA of course. He lived in New York but was used to flying in and out to California often, it was part of the business, a price to pay to live in a city that actually had a soul, but still be a working actor in Hollywood.

He prepped quite well. Like he always did. He took his job very seriously and loved being immersed in a character. He read a little bit about the time period and the different wars of the 18th century. He had played soldiers before, but the men that fought for the independence of the United States had an extremely different reality. It was fascinating. Right away, he was grateful for this script, whether he’d get the role or not, he still would have gotten to learn a lot.

 

*******

 

**Sienna**

When the auditions came around, Sienna insisted on being present, even though it’s not that common for the screenwriter to be. She wanted to see her words acted out for the first time and, let’s face it, any excuse is valid to spend a little time in LA when you’re from Canada and winter is coming ( _yeah_ , a Game of Thrones reference).

The auditions went on for weeks and she was not in the room everyday, but made sure she knew the schedule and precisely when to show up. Cumberbatch was not coming in to read, they had offered him the role without auditioning, which was fair enough, but they were still waiting on an answer. On day 4, she saw Alicia Vikander read and she was completely blown away. She knew she was an amazing actress, but seeing her read the story she had worked so hard on, right in front of her, that was an outer body experience.

During the second week of auditions, on Wednesday, Sebastian’s name was on the program. Sienna was excited to see his audition, but also kinda nervous. The sort of nervosity you felt in high school when one of your best friends was doing an oral presentation and you really wanted them to do a good job. It was absurd, she had never met the guy, but let’s face it, shitty horror flicks and comic book movies only let you showcase so much of your talent. She _was_ taking a bet.

He came in, looking cool and laid back, with his hair still Winter Soldier lenght. “We’ll have to cut it, shame.” she thought to herself, then remembered nothing was set it stone. He said hello to everyone, got ready, and Sienna stopped breathing.

“Sebastian Stan, reading for Thomas Hays.”

He read the lines, did a really great job, left, and that's when Sienna started breathing again. She noticed John and Sharon exchanging approving looks with the casting director and she actually felt relieved. He _could_ act. Really could. He also seemed to be doing a different accent, which was thoughtful because yeah, people spoke differently 200 years ago.

The following month was a succession of calls from John or the casting director announcing who got the roles. First came the news that they got Alicia, then Taron. Then days and days of worrying because Cumberbatch was so busy it was almost impossible they could make it fit. Sometimes, in one phone call, she’d learn about 6 minor parts getting cast, some other times, she’d hear nothing for a whole goddam week.

Time went by, and still no news regarding either Cumberbatch, or the character of Thomas Hays. Last thing she’d heard about this one, they were hesitating between 5 actors and had to do a second audition. Eventually, she got the call from John that would be the last one about casting.

“Sienna, darling, good news. We filled to two last spots on the cast,” John said at the other end of the line.

“Yeah?” Sienna answered, not wanting to get her hopes high. She was two names away from getting her dream cast, it was hard not to.

“Yeah. Cumberbatch is in, we’re gonna have to shoot all of his scenes first because _Dr Stange 2_ is happening.”

“Holy shit that’s amazing.” Sienna blurted out.

“And for Thomas, we’re going with Sebastian after all.”

“Really! My suggestions paid off, didn’t they!”  
  
“They really did. Things are going to move fast now. We have another month of location scouting, but in the meantime, we thought you could meet with the actors and inform them about the characters. Answer some of their questions.” he said.

Sienna, obviously, agreed.

So the dates were set and she was flying out to LA right after the holidays. Things really _did_ move fast.

 

***

 

**Sebastian**

Auditions were always nerve wracking for Sebastian. He was an overall confident guy, did theatre, was in the biggest movie franchise ever… But there was something about acting just one scene in front of a small group of people who were there to judge if they would give you a job or no that was, well.... nerve wracking!

He really, really wanted this part. For one, because of the director. He loved John Crawley’s work, especially _Brooklyn,_ a pretty perfect movie that had gotten a best picture nomination back in 2015. It was not a big production, nothing over the top, just a heartfelt, funny, human story about immigrants, the concept of “home” and love and had struck a chord in him unlike any movies in recent years.

He also loved the fact that _Mary_ was set in the 18th century. The closest thing to a period drama he’d ever done was the first Cap movie, which was set in the 40’s. But this was 1790’s Britain, this was and the Enlightenment, Thomas Paine, and the war to overthrow monarchy. This was the real deal.

They had him read a very intense scene for the audition, a moment where the character breaks down and opens up. He was pretty sure he did a good job, felt good right after it, but then, weeks went by, and still no news. He was pretty sure it was dead, which disappointed him more than he was willing to admit. Until he got a call back for a second read. This time, they wanted to see a funnier scene.

That really excited Sebastian, these were his favorite parts from the screenplay, and comedy was one of his firsts loves. He always wished he could do more, after all, Jim Carrey had been the reason why he had wanted to go into acting in the first place. Thomas Hays was not a comedic character per se, but he had a lot of humour, and Sebastian really hoped he’d get the chance to dive into that.

A week after, his agent called him.

“Seb, I just hung up with John Crawley.”  she said, clearly wanting to sound impartial.

“Just spill it.” he answered, getting mentally ready for bad news.

“You got it hon’, you got the part.”

“No… Way…. You’re serious?” Sebastian blurted out. He was genuinely baffled. And also, ecstatic.

“Yes! They love your comedic abilities, John said you’ll make the character layered and lovable,” she said. “Also, they want you to meet with the screenwriter in a couple week, if you have any questions.”

He did have some questions, and it was never a bad idea to discuss a character, get various points of view, so he agreed. That would mean flying out to LA again, and he hated flying, even more than he hated LA. At least, the weather would be warmer than in New York, where it was free-zing.

When he announced to his girlfriend that he got the part, her reaction felt... like a let down. At that point in both their careers, it wasn’t as exciting as it used to be when they got cast. It made him miss the pride and joy they used to feel 2, 3 years ago, when one of them scored a part they really like.

Before going to bed, he wrote his list of 10 things he was grateful for, as he did every night, even though his girlfriend made fun of him every goddam time. “Again?” she’d say. “Aren’t you beyond that little thing?”  
  
He wasn’t. He never wanted to forget how grateful he was, how lucky. On that night, he scribbled “This new job, My apartment, The upcoming trip to LA, The weather, Christopher Nolan, My friends, My health, The fact that I lift 100 lbs weights for the first time today, My mom.” And he struggled for a little while to find a 10th one. He eventually settled for “What’s next to come”, not really knowing what he really meant by that. He fell asleep hopeful and excited, thankful and motivated.


	2. Firsts meetings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they meet for the first time (yay!)  
> Also, a table read so that I can throw a little Benedict Cumberbatch in there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in LA, in January 2018.

**Sienna**

For her meetings with the actors, Sienna prepped like she never did for any interview or school exam, or anything ever for that matter. She was extremely anxious to meet them face to face, share her passion about these characters and bounce ideas off each other. She had bought copies of books written about the time period and biographies about relevant people who inspired the script, even wrote personalized little notes in them.

It was a little chilly outside, as it always is in winter in LA, but the sun was shining bright, which probably was not the case in Montreal. Ha. She was waiting on the terrasse of a really cool coffee place that Sebastian’s personal assistant had suggested. Her meeting with him was at 4, but she arrived a little early, just to be sure. She had a tendency to be late, so she played it safe this time. If there was any time so play it safe, it was with these freaking meetings.

Her dark hair were curled in these “natural beach waves” that were nothing but natural and were created without any beaches. She was wearing high-rise skinny black jeans, ripped on the knees, all black Nike sneakers and a simple grey shirt that was cut off a little high on the sides. She hung her jeans bomber jacket on the back of her chair. She was drinking her iced coffee, taking in the sun, _God_ she had missed the sun, eyes closed behind her Clubmaster Ray Bans. She could feel the ice melting through the plastic cup in her hand and the wind blowing softly on her face.

A deep, kinda raspy voice woke her up from her daydreaming.

“Sienna?” the voice said.

She opened her eyes and got up in a second to shake his hand. “Hi Sebastian!” Hand that he pulled in to give her to two kisses on the cheeks, his scruff tickling her face.

She noticed that, for a split second, he looked at her funny. She knew why. Being 27 but looking like you’re around 20 generally caused that type of reaction. In Hollywood, people often mistook her for someone’s PA (Naomi Watts had asked her for a “green tea and a Fiji water please” once...) and, in a bar, she _always_ got carded.

“That is so not how I expected you to look like!” Sebastian said, laughing.

He was wearing black jeans, sneakers, a grey t-shirt and a navy blue bomber jacket. They were kinda wearing the same thing, which Sienna thought of mentioning, but he beat her to the chase. “I should have told you what I was planning to wear.” he joked, which made her chuckle. “Yeah, now one of us is gonna have to change.” Sienna retaliated with.

As soon as they sat down, Sebastian also ordered an iced coffee, which they both agreed was way better than hot coffee for some reason. The waiter was clearly trying his best not to seem too nervous at the presence of a Hollywood celebrity. That was a thing Sienna understood, but was sort of immune to since, due to her father’s job, celebrities and talented people had always been a part of her reality.

“It’s really nice to meet you.” Sienna started.

“It’s good to meet you too!” he answered. “I feel like I’ve seen you before. A meeting? Auditions?”

Oh, she did not think he’d recognize her, that might have been the weird look. “Yeah, I was at the first audition.” She paused. “So, I wanna know, what did you think of the character when you first read the script?”

“Getting right into business, are ya?” Sebastian asked, jokingly.

“Sorry” she said, joining her two hands under her chin, pulling out her best, most serious face. “Tell me about your childhood.”

He laughed, thank God, then recollected himself and proceeded in answering the question properly, looking at her with his huge blue (or was it grey? She couldn’t tell) eyes squinted, eyebrows furrowed like he was thinking really hard about his answer.

Eventually, the conversation eased up, flowing naturally between script related questions, and some about their lives.

“If you don’t mind me asking, how old are you?” Sebastian asked, clearly curious about the answer, and she was surprised it actually took him that long to finally ask it. People were not usually that polite about it.

“I’m 27.” she answered. “And a half!”

“And a half” Sebastian echoed, amused. “I would have guessed younger.”  
  
“I know, I look 12. I get carded all the time. Even to pet a dog at a pet store.”  
  
“Is that a thing?” he asked, eyebrows raised in surprise.

“Apparently, yes, you have to be at least 18 to _pet a dog_ .” she said, putting emphasis on the last three words.  
  
“That’s ridiculous! What’s a 17 year old gonna do to the dog…”

“Pet it to death? I don’t know.”

He chuckled. “Where are you from? Your english is perfect, but you have a tiny accent and I can't figure it out!” Sebastian said.

He liked to guess things, apparently. Sienna figured she’d rolled with it, so she asked him to guess where she was from, which was a thing she loved to do. Every time she’d travel, or even when she’d meet outsiders in her hometown, the “guess where I’m from” game _always_ made an appearance.

“Well… you could look South American…” Sebastian started.

“Flattering, but no. I am so pale. I’m actually allergic to the sun. If anything, I’m a vampire.” Sienna joked.  
  
“You’re allergic to it?” he asked, laughing. Oh God, she was _not_ good at first impressions. 30 minutes in and she was a 12 year old vampire petting dogs to death. Fucking hell.  
  
“Yes and it sucks. Keep on guessing.” she said, cocking one eyebrow.

“Okay, okay, so not South American… vampire… Eastern European?”

“Each time! These are always the two options I get. But no.”

“Each time? D’you play that game a lot?”

“Constantly, and you’re losing it. Want me to tell you?”  
  
“No, no wait!” he pressed her. “French?” Sebastian suggested, carefully.

“So close! I speak french, but I’m french _Canadian_ . We’re much cooler” Sienna finally said.  
  
“I bet you are” he answered.

Then they did the whole shtick where she asked him if he had ever been to Montreal, he had not, but would love too, especially since New York was so close by, and so on. Then, the coffees were done for and they still needed to actually discuss the _character,_  so he ordered a gin & tonic (“it’s _practically_ 5 o’clock” he had said) and she did the same (and got carded, but what else is new).

And they talked for another hour. About the character, about how they wanted him to be perceived, about his life. Then they talked about both their careers, dreams, a little bit about old movies, a lot about travelling, and some about Mars, for some reason. Then his PA texted him it was time to go, so it was time to go.

“Before you leave,” Sienna said, holding out 3 books for him to take,  “It’s not homework, but if you ever feel the need to, here is the biography that inspired the script, a book about the American Revolution, and another about, you know, the military during that time.”

He looked genuinely touched, and promised he would read them. Halfway through getting up, he sat back down again, biting the inside of his cheek.  
  
“I was thinking, and you tell me if it’s a stupid idea, but, since he moves to France, he probably learned how to speak French, right?”

“Yeah.” Sienna said, intrigued. He had a point, the character travelled a lot, lived in Paris for years, he had to learn french.

“I just thought, it’d be kinda cool if he had a couple lines in French.” Sebastian concluded.

“Yeah, you’re right! I’ll write some in.” she answered.

“Cool! And then you could, you know, tutor me.” he said.  
  
Baffled, she agreed, said her goodbyes, ordered a second gin & tonic and popped out her laptop from her bag to write these french lines, probably faster than the freaking Flash - wrong universe, faster than Quicksilver.

She was sending the new version of the script to John when her best friend from home, Fanny, texted her. They had met back in high school and had been inseparable ever since. Sienna had been there for her friend through her coming out, Fanny had been there when Sienna’s mom got sick, they had held each other’s hair when they were puking after way too many tequila shots and wiped off tears after terrible breakups.

F: Babe! How’s LA?

S: Beautiful. The sun is shining.

F: *Fuck you emoji* It’s snowing here

S: Wear a scarf.

F: Good advice. How are your meetings going?

S: Rather well thank you! I just finished one.

F: Cool! With who?

S: Seb Stan

F: Oh god. How is he?

S: Really cool actually!

F: *Heart eyes emoji*

S: He suggested I should write him some dialogue in french. And then tutor him.

F: *Shocked emoji*

S: I know right!

F: What are you doing texting me, write some damn french lines girl.

S: Done. I’m waiting for the director to approve and he left like 8 minutes ago.

F: That was quick af

S: Yeah.

F: Does he have a girlfriend?

S: The director?

F: Don’t be stupid. 

And, cutting the conversation short, Sienna’s boyfriend called her. They had been dating for almost 5 years, and he was a genuinely nice guy, but since this crazy adventure had started, she felt extremely disconnected to him. He did not really get the industry, or movies for that matter, and the vibe between them had been off for a while. It felt like they were on two different planets, spinning in opposite directions. She kept telling herself it probably was just a phase, often enough to convince herself.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

Oh, how he hated LA, the 7 lanes highways and pretentious joggers, but the sun and the cute coffee shops, that, he could live with. For a couple days only though. LA was really a city he felt like people could only appreciate if their time there had an expiration date. Otherwise, it could get suffocating, probably why he had always refused moving there, even when his agent told him he'd never do more than  _Gossip Girl_ if he didn't.

He was walking towards the meeting place with his PA, she was dropping him off, making sure he got to the right place and met with the right person. That was a good thing because the whole time Sebastian had been reading the screenplay, he had pictured the writer as a man. He didn’t know why but, still, he would have never guessed it would be the person his PA was pointing to right now. That person sitting on the coffee shop terrasse looked like she couldn't be a day over 20 years old, face bathing in the sun, iced coffee in one had, a pile of old looking books under the other. 

Sebastian turned towards his PA. “That’s her?” he asked, dubious.

“Yes Mr. Stan.”

She was so professional sometimes, like she wasn't human. It freaked him out. 

“Alright, keep me posted?”

“Yes, I’ll text when it’s time for your dinner reservations.”

Dinner with his agent and Kevin Feige from Marvel. Promising. And also, kinda scary. Every time Feige called, Sebastian prayed it wasn’t because they were killing Bucky off. He loved playing Bucky, a little more each time, he didn't want it to end.

When he reached Sienna and called her name, it startled her. He tried his best, but failed, to repress a chuckle. He also failed in not saying the most stupid thing: “That is so not how I expected you to look like!” Jesus, he could be dumb sometimes.

She turned out to be a very smart and funny girl, which was cool because, sometimes, writers could be very hard to read. Ironically. She offered very interesting points about his character, and that made Sebastian even more eager to play him. They shared the same vision about the guy, which either made Sebastian very perceptive, or Sienna a great writer. Either way, they both agreed on what made the character special.

He noticed she had a tiny accent, but could not for the life of him guess where she was from. She had dark hair and dark eyes, which could mean south american, like Brazilian or something. But that wasn’t it. She was allergic to the sun, she shared. That made him laugh.

But she was French Canadian. He had actually never met anyone from there and he thought that was adorable, for whatever reason. He had been to Toronto, for the Toronto International Film Festival, but that was still a 6 hour drive from where Sienna was from, which was Montreal. He had always meant to visit there. Perhaps he would soon, she made it sound so much fun.

After talking about pretty much anything, she mentioned she really had loved _The Martian_. This was easily the movie, in all of his filmography, that Sebastian was the most proud of. Sure, his part in it was tiny, and being the Winter Soldier was more “impressive”, but to him, working with Ridley Scott on a movie about Mars, it truly had been a dream come true. He loved space, anything space related, and that role had given him the opportunity to learn so much about it. He rambled on and on about space travel, and black holes, and aliens, but she did not seem to mind, so it was probably okay, he thought.

He felt comfortable around her, like she understood most of what he was saying, and that was not always the case. A little bit because he knew he had an offbeat sense of humour and often made obscure references, but also because he was used to feeling like an outsider. It had been the case when he had moved to the US at 12 years old, and old habits die hard. But she seemed patient and nice, so he opened up easily.

2 hours, and a gin & tonic that hit the spot later, he had to go. He was about to leave when something, some uncontrollable force (or the gin), made him suggest that he should speak french in the movie. He had taken _some_ french lessons an eternity ago and he was always up for a challenge. He also suggested she might tutor him, which was definitely the gin & tonic talking.

His PA was already waiting for him with his car ready. He hated getting driven around, he could do it himself, but sometimes, it was necessary. A tight schedule like this meant he simply did not have time to park his own car and he needed every second he could get to answer emails and have a look at rewrites. And it’d be like that right until he’d start shooting _Mary_ because _Infinity Wars Part 1_ , his first take in an _Avengers_ movie, not a Cap movie, as Bucky, was coming out in a few months. That meant, possibly, re-shoots and, eventually, a huge press tour.

Later, his dinner with Feige went amazingly. It was actually to announce him that Captain America would die at the end of _Infinity Wars Part 2_ , and that Bucky would take over. He was going to be Captain fucking America. He could not believe it. “2010 me who got rejected for the part would not believe this right now,” he said to Feige. “Or was that the plan all along? Is that why you had me coming in 4 fucking times for Cap?” but the man stayed silent. Oh Marvel and it’s secrets.

 

*******

 

**Sienna**

After she met with all the actors, she stayed put in LA because, soon, there would be the table read. That moment where the cast and some of the crew met together and read the script out loud to have a first look at everything. She could not wait for that, it’d be the ultimate confirmation.

Seeing the whole cast in the same room was unreal, they were so beautiful together. All that hard work, all those moments where she doubted herself, the sleepless nights, the two months where she moved to London in search for inspiration, all of it was so _this_ moment could happen. And she’d do it all again (especially the living in London part, that was awesome). 

Sienna had asked John if she could read the scene descriptions herself and he had agreed. But now that is was coming, she was nervous. What if she fucked up, or if people noticed her accent? She knew her english was good for someone whose first language was french, but she still stumbled on some words and pronunciations. She was fascinated by people like Alicia, who was Swedish, or Sebastian, who was Romanian, who spoke with  _zero_ accent. It was complexing.

She made a small speech before doing the actual read, and it started. It was outstanding to look at them go, so much so that she forgot to follow up with her scene descriptions quite often. Some of the most intense scenes, especially between Alicia and Sebastian, blew Sienna away. As did Benedict Cumberbatch’s every freaking word delivery. That man was unbelievable.

After the read, some of the cast and crew stayed to hang out a little while. Alicia and Benedict both had to go because, let’s be real, they were so busy it was a miracle they even could attend the table read. Taron and Sebastian were so funny together, Sienna was glad she had wrote so many scenes of them interacting. The chemistry would definitely show on camera.

Later that night, she had dinner with John and his wife. She was going back to Montreal the next day and they would be filming in a couple weeks in London. She could not wait to go back there, her time in London had been a such an amazing time, and also a moment in her life when she learned a lot about herself. It was her second favorite city in the world, right after New York. Experiencing it with a whole crew, including natives, would probably be freaking amazing.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

When it was time for the first table read, Sebastian got really nervous. Or excited? Nah, nervous. The cast was really, really stellar. He had worked with big shots on a lot of his movies, and it was always impressive at first, but these were Academy Awards nominees (and winners), British trained, Hamlet reading, theatre, actors. And he had been in _The Covenant_. God.

Everybody was sitting around the table, going through their scripts or chatting with the neighbour, and Sebastian stopped for a second, taking the time to realize where he was, who was there, trying to remind himself that he deserved to be there too. Before he could start freaking out too much, Sienna stood up and started talking.  “Hi everybody! So, for those who don’t know me, I’m Sienna, I wrote this script,”

Taron Egerton, who was sitting next to him, leaned into Sebastian and whispered “That’s the screenwriter? What the fuck man?” that made him laugh and he answered “I know man. Crazy.” They had never met before, but Sebastian could feel they’d get along.  
  
“I can’t even begin to tell you how excited I am,” Sienna resumed, seemingly not aware of the little exchange that took place on the other side of the room, thankfully. “This is my first script, I worked on it for 2 years and I am so, beyond excited for the team that we have.” She stopped for a second. “The cast is amazing, and not all of you know this, but this was actually my dream cast! When the inspiration started missing, I did the exercise of casting the roles, and Benedict, Alicia, Taron and Sebastian, you were my top picks, so it’s really exciting. I said exciting like a milion times.”  
  
He felt his heart squeeze a little in his chest. He never thought he was the _screenwriter’s_ choice. He believed his agent had heard about the script, or that it might have been a studio’s suggestion. Not that the creative mind behind a story had said “I always pictured Blaine from _Hot Tub Time Machine_ for that part." Not that she wrote it _for_ him, he understood that, but knowing he was her first choice, that was a good feeling.  
  
She continued her speech, “So, I’m going to read the scene descriptions, and if you notice an accent, please excuse the french canadian in me, we’re all trying to do our best.” she concluded in a laugh.

Everybody in the room clearly thought she was adorable. As she was. They started reading. Sebastian scenes were only in the second act so he had a little breathing room. For an hour or so, he was simply taking it all in, staring at these amazing actors he admired do their thing. He knew the movie was going to be good. He could not wait to start filming. They were doing London first, then a couple weeks in Paris, and then another couple weeks in studio. He loved on location shoots, good way to form bonds, especially abroad.

Soon enough the table read was done and he made his way to where he was staying. He was tagging along in LA a couple days extra before flying back home, taking the opportunity to visit some friends, spend time with the agents, Marvel people, the whole thing. Back at the hotel, he texted Anthony Mackie. They had spend a lot of time together being paired up during the press tour for _Captain America : The Winter Soldier_ and these intense weeks had helped form what would prove to be an indelible bond. 

They were lucky enough to work a lot together, as they were both important parts of the MCU, and it was not over, there were many more movies to come. But their friendship extended beyond the set. He loved the guy, he was really smart, kind, funny. It also helped that he was apparently Sebastian’s biggest fan.

SS: Still up for dinner later?

AM: Hell yeah! How did the table read go?

SS: Amazing. I’m so pumped for that movie

AM: Who actually says shit like that 

SS: Fuck off

AM: How’s Cumberbatch?

SS: Holy shit, he’s impressive. I think I might be in love.

AM: Man I can’t wait for him to be in IW2

SS: I know man, it’s going to be insane.

AM: What about the rest of the cast?

SS: It’s a BAFTA wet dream. I’m pretty sure I’m the only american on the whole crew.

  
AM: No way!

  
SS: Well the screenwriter’s Canadian. That counts as american?

AM: Pretty sure he’d wouldn’t appreciate you saying he’s american

SS: She* It’s a girl.

AM: A girl? Hot?

SS: Fuck off. 8pm at my hotel?

AM: Yeah! See you soon bro.

And he smiled, looking at his phone. He couldn't wait to tell Mackie all about it.


	3. From London to LA

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which they film the movie, in London, and Sebastian has to get a couple french lessons from Sienna.  
> Also, iced coffees and The Covenant are very important.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in London, in March 2018 & in LA for the Wrap Party, which is a little later. Let's say April.  
> It's a longer chapter, but oh well.

**Sienna**

Sienna arrived in London on Sunday, got settled in her room in the hotel in which the whole cast and crew was staying, and did not sleep much. She was kinda nervous to see the set, the actors, the costumes, the whole thing.

Filming had already started, Benedict’s scenes were completed. She was disappointed she could not come earlier, but the screenwriter’s presence was not required on set and her “in” was the french coaching. Which she had to do for Alicia, Sebastian, and the girl who played Sebastian’s french secretary, for whom they apparently did not bother getting a real french actress since she only had one line. Jeez.

The first lesson was Monday morning, Sienna had to meet up with Sebastian in his trailer at 9. He only had scenes after lunch break, so they had given them 4 hours to practice one freaking line. It was absurd, way too long, but who was she to question the director. Plus, she prefered human interactions to staying alone all day in the hotel.

She left early, again, better safe than sorry. She had came in during the night, so she was seeing London in the daylight for the first time in two years and that made her a little emotional. The hotel was not remotely in the same neighbourhood she had lived in, it was in way more posh area, in Shoreditch, but still, it brought back so many memories.

She knew there was gonna be coffee on set, but she wanted something good, not instant shit. Google reviews told her where to go and she ordered one big ice coffee. “Make it two!” she told the barista just as he was turning away from the counter to go prepare her drink. She figured Sebastian might also appreciate "Shoreditch's best coffee" as told by the Internet. A little later, sitting on the back seat of her Uber with the two cups in her hands, she thought it was kind of a bold move after all, but who cared, it was just coffee.

At the location, a person pointed her to the right direction, and she made her way into Sebastian’s trailer a few minutes before 9. It was a freaking mess, which made her chuckle out loud. She set the two iced coffees on the table, having to move a Time magazine about space, two (dirty) coffee mugs, one of which was sitting on an iPad, Arrested Development Season 2 DVDs (who still owned DVDs, especially of a show that’s on Netflix?) and a jacket. She set the script in between the coffees, and waited. He came in 10 minutes late with a major case of bed hair, and two fucking iced coffees in his hands.

“Hi! Sorry there was traffic.” he said, opening the door with his elbow and closing it with a kick. He was about to set his coffees on the table and stopped mid gesture. “No way! This is too good.”

“Great minds think alike!” Sienna answered. “Kinda need two coffees anyways.”

“Not a morning person?” he asked.  
  
“Oh no.” she said, regretting it immediately, not wanting him to think she was… lazy, or something.

“Well, I am. Thank god one of us will be steering the wheel.” he joked.

“Thank you _so_ much. But you know, it’s only one line and we have 4 hours. So unless you really, really suck at this, you might be freed from class early Mr. Stan.” Sienna said, deadpan. He laughed, which reassured her, because not everybody got her humour.

They practiced the line, and it took him approximately... no time to get it perfectly. Sienna figured he was good with languages in general, probably because he had to learn romanian and german before english. That was impressive in itself. She took her iPhone out to check the time.

“Oh I love your background,” Sebastian said, referencing her phone screensaver, which was a picture of Lauren Bacall and Humphrey Bogart. “They were the best couple.”

“Seriously, so perfect!” Sienna answered. “Jesus christ, it’s 9:45, that was a record setting time.”

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

He was running late, in parts because of the infinite cue at Starbucks, but mostly because sleeping in huge hotel beds was irresistible. He hoped Sienna would also be, because his trailer was disgusting and he wanted to clean up before she arrived, but probably not. She’d see it. He hoped there was nothing too embarrassing.

When he came inside the trailer she, of course, was already there and, oh God, she’d cleaned a little bit and, oh shit, she apparently had the same genius idea he did because she had also brought two iced coffees.

They practiced the line and it went surprisingly well, maybe his french lessons from back when he was 10 were not that far away in his memory after all. They still had 3 hours scheduled for practice, which was absurd, and Sebastian felt like hanging out.  “Are you staying on set?” he asked her.  
  
“Yes, I wanna see how it’s going and, mostly, judge you.”  
  
That made him laugh. He liked that type of jokes.

“I was probably gonna watcha a movie before lunch, wanna join me?” he asked, wondering if that was weird. They did not know each other really well and she’d probably much rather go on set. To his surprise, and relief, she actually seemed glad he suggested that.  
  
“Alright. But, only if it’s _The Covenant._ ” she said, and Sebastian felt the warmth of a blush creep up on his cheeks.

Mostly because that was his movie he was the most ashamed of, but also because he kinda liked the fact that she just openly mocked him on like, the 3rd time they ever saw each other. He clearly was not the only one who felt comfortable around her. It also gave him the permission to let loose and give her a taste of her own medicine.

“Someone has been creeping on IMDB.” he said, in a teasing tone. Trying to regain his composure.

“Oh yeah, I love the “top 250 worst movies of all time” list!” she answered. And he could not, for the life of him, find anything to top that. Damn. Sienna 1, Sebastian 0.

He simply laughed, and assured her she should never, ever, in any circumstances see that god awful movie, that it wasn’t “so bad it’s good”, it was just “so bad”. She made a face that meant “yeah right, still gonna do it”. They ended up watching _The Maltese Falcon_ on Netflix, because they were both craving some Bogart action after they had briefly talked about him. Later on, they had lunch with the rest of the crew, and she stayed for a couple hours of set.

Another day done, another night alone in the hotel. He had almost forgotten how being away filming could be a lonely experience, but he still loved it. He went for a quick jog later, exploring the London streets, reminding himself how Europe had a beauty you simply could not find anywhere else in America. Still, he would never, ever trade New York City for any other city in the whole wide world.

 

*******

 

**Sienna**

Sienna woke up on Wednesday morning a little drowsy, but ready for Sebastian’s second lesson. Last time had been so easy it was ridiculous, just as Alicia’s lesson the day before, but today, there was much more dialogue. It could prove to be more of a challenge, but Sienna was up for it and, hopefully, so was Sebastian. He had insisted on bringing coffee next time (and just him that time), which Sienna obliged to, but still brought a couple of slices of banana bread from her favorite café. Because why not, right?

She was tired, eyes closing on the backseat of the Uber. She had gone to bed really late the night before, having spent hours on the phone arguing with her boyfriend. He was saying she was not “present” enough. “How the fuck can I be present, I’m an ocean away right now.” she had counterclaimed, but apparently that was not enough. The conversation eventually ended on a somewhat positive note, that in fact really was a cope out on both their ends.

That was most of their conversations lately; arguing that ended up when one of them gave up, too tired or simply run out of sensible arguments. Sienna kept pushing back the moment she’d have to actually think about all of it and what it meant. Today was not the day, she had a job to do. She had to spend hours in a tiny trailer with Sebastian Stan. Arg. 

She managed to be only a couple minutes late and came to an empty trailer, to her relief. She sat down and started setting the pages on the table when Sebastian joined her, seemingly disturbed. “I literally just sat down.” she reassured him, thinking he was worried about being late. “Oh okay” he mumbled, moving towards her to join her on the table. Sienna took the coffee that he was holding up in front of her and traded it for a slice of banana bread.

“I love banana bread!” said Sebastian, and he proceeded in eating like it was his job. Which made Sienna smile. For a minute or so, it seemed like he had forgotten about whatever was bothering him. “How was it with Alicia yesterday?” he inquired, his mouth shamelessly full. “Great, she’s way better than you are at it.” Sienna joked. Sebastian narrowed his eyes in a suspicious way. “Impossible.” he groaned. “You’re right, you’re my best student.” she answered. _Best_ , she did not know. Favorite though? Yep.

They started practicing the lines, but Sienna quickly picked up on his nervosity. He kept fucking up at the same place, rubbing the bridge of his nose between his fingers, and every time she was trying to give him tricks, it seemed like he was not really paying attention.

Eventually, she drew the confession out of him. He was not anxious about the french lines, he was for his scenes later, which were extremely intense ones. French could wait, so she tried to reassure him, she tried to convey as best as she could that she believed in him and his talent. It was such a weird concept for her that an attractive, successful actor still had these moments of self doubt. It made him seem more human, more approachable. By some miracle, what she told him seemed to work. He eased up, got back on the horse, and nailed it. The lines. He nailed the _lines_.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

Today was going to be an intense day, most of the scenes in the afternoon revolved around his character. It was the big altercation between Thomas and Mary, Alicia’s character, where Sebastian had to scream and lose his shit, and cry too. He could do that, he had done it times and times again when he played that angry rich gay kid on that TV show, well in fact, _these_ TV shows, that nobody saw, but still.

He could feel the anxiety swell up like a ball in his stomach, the same way it did before his scenes with Meryl Streep or Ellen Burstyn, or Robert Downey Jr for that matter. He had to remind himself time and time again that they were only actors, like he was, and fame, or the length of your career, did not matter. But that was easier said than done and first things first, he had the french lesson, which was also going to be intense because he had 4 freaking lines that day. But that was okay, he enjoyed these sessions, Sienna was funny and easy going and it might even help take his mind off the scenes and the stress.

He was running late because halfway to the set he’d realized he had forgotten his phone in his hotel room. Great. His first thought was “I’ll call my PA to tell her to go get it,” followed by “You are dumb, Stan.” So, he had to drive all the way back, on the wrong side of the street amongst all things. The ice in the coffees was melting and it was irritating him.

When Sebastian got to the trailer, Sienna was already there, same position as 2 days earlier, but also with two little brown bags in front of her. He hoped she had not been waiting for too long. The little brown bags turned out to be containing fucking delicious banana bread, which was perfect because he hadn’t had time to eat breakfast and he was starving.

They started practicing, but his nerves were getting the best of him and it was frustrating. He could see she was noticing it, even if he was trying so fucking hard to conceal it. “Are you okay?” she asked him. _Shit_. The only thing he hated more than when he was doubting himself, is when people were witnesses to these meltdowns. He knew it was nothing to be ashamed of, but they were not his proudest moments, he’d rather they stayed secret.

“Yeah, yeah. Sorry.” he started, and then, the rest sort of fell out of his mouth before he could catch it, “I’m really nervous for the scene.”

She looked at him with what seemed to be a cocktail of compassion and concern.

“I feel you, it’s a big scene, but don’t worry about it. I’ve seen what you can do, you’ll be amazing,” Sienna said. And he did not expect that. He did not know what he expected, but not _actual_ comforting, he figured. He could not find anything to say, lost in his thoughts, trying not to let the panic get the best of him. She probably felt that, because she continued:

“Look, he’s conflicted, he actually loves her, but he knows he’s not right for her so for the first time in his fucking life, he’s taking matters into his hands and making a choice. Normally, he’d stay and like, have sex with her because it’s easy and she’s there, but he respects her too much to pretend anymore. People think he’s the asshole, but he’s actually being the bigger person there.”

He could relate to that. It was good advice that he could relate to and use for his character. It gave him a couple ideas and it reassured him. Something in the back of his mind told him that he was going to do okay. That gave him the last push to concentrate on the actual lesson, which was right now, and the scene was later. One thing at the time.

They finished only minutes before his call in, but he was feeling confident. When he said the last word and the director yelled “Cut, and we got it. It’s a wrap for Sebastian for today!” he could tell he had done a good job. He knew because a makeup artist was balling her eyes out, and John, who was usually totally unreadable, looked pleased. He started scanning the room with his eyes, searching for Sienna. He met her gaze, she was standing right behind the camera and she smiled at him, clearly proud, and that was the last approval he needed to make sure.

 

*******

 

**Sienna**

The next week was very relaxed one for Sienna. She met with the young actress who played the secretary once, and with Alicia twice. After her second lesson with Alicia on Friday evening, she went back to the hotel, thinking she’d have a quiet night in.

She was in her room, about to rent a movie (oh god they made _another_ Fast and Furious?) and call room service (40$ pizza…) when she got a text from the director saying “Dinner in an hour at this fancy place we were talking about”. She knew exactly what “this fancy place” meant because the day before, Sienna had spent most of the lunch hour talking about food and restaurants with John and a cameraman who had lived in London for his whole life. There was that “fancy place” which Sienna had meant to try for years, a top of the line Indian place that was booked for years in advance. She guessed they had pulled the “movie crew” card to get a table.

So, Sienna got dressed up in a simple cute black dress, chunky heels and added a swipe of red lipstick. She thought she looked more well put than she ever did in front of the crew. She called her (millionth) Uber and arrived at the restaurant late. Like 20 minutes late. Not that bad. Except everybody was already sitting down. She felt observed as she waved hello, the whole table turning to look at her. Most of the cast was there, with John, his wife, a couple producers and some of the camera crew. She saw some little elbowing between crew members, meaning “she cleans up nice”, and wondered if they thought she was blind.

The last empty spot was next to Alicia, in front of Sebastian. Sienna sat down, and started talking right away with the actress, asking her how the rest of her day had gone. She thought for herself that, in another life, they could have been good friends. Alicia was down to earth and funny, she was such a genuine person that clearly wanted everyone around her to feel good.

They ordered a lot of small plates for the table to share, and a ridiculous quantity of wine as well. The conversation was flowing easily, from traveling to politics, and soon shifted towards cinema. French Canadian directors were doing very good for themselves in Hollywood, and Sienna had known most of them all of her life. Alicia and Sebastian wanted to know Sienna’s take on one in particular, the one responsible for the _Blade Runner_ remake that would be released soon. Opinion which Sienna was gladly willing to share.

“I mean, I love Denis, he’s an amazing director, loved _Enemy_ , but I’m just not convinced we needed a remake…” she said. “You saw it?” Alicia asked.

“No, not yet. I know my dad’s going to watch it with him soon, but the first cut isn’t ready yet.” Sienna answered.

“No, I meant the original one!” Alicia said, amused.

“Oh yeah, of course! And on the big screen too, it was beautiful.”

“When?” Alicia asked. “You were not even born.”

“Neither were you so don’t even try! I saw it in school.” Sienna said.

“In school?” Sebastian asked, puzzled. Oh yeah, she had never mentioned that.  
  
“Yeah! I have a college degree in cinema.”  
  
“For real? I didn’t know! That’s so cool…” he said.

“Not really, it only means I’m very good at watching a movie and then writing a 10 pages essay about how the color of her dress represents the fall of the Roman Empire.” she concluded. He chuckled, throwing his head back, they started talking about movies and time kinda stopped. Movies were Sienna’s favorite subject, she believed you could learn a lot about someone from their taste in movies.

They went through the usual questions, the “what is your favorite one”, “which is your guilty pleasure”, “who’s your favorite director”, and they had, surprisingly, very similar taste. He was also obsessed with James Dean, he loved Moulin Rouge too (“It’s a classic I don’t give a shit what people say.”), and had actually hated Birdman (“If it wasn’t shot in one take nobody would fucking care!”) like she did.

When all the food and the wine were gone and everybody started getting up, their conversation was cut short. She thought they were all going to bed, it was around midnight, but the director announced: “We are going to a Karaoke bar, everyone is more than welcome to join us!” Holy shit, that could be potentially very, very humiliating. She loved singing, but couldn’t sing for shit. But, oh well, once in London. They arrived at the Karaoke joint and at this point she was feeling tipsy, but in a very manageable way. She was going to need a little bit more if she was going to sing.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

He was flipping through the list of songs, looking for inspiration. Why did crew dinners always end up with karaoke, he had no clue, but he still enjoyed it. The wine helped, but he was actually excited to sing. He hated doing it alone though. He looked up to scan the crew in the hopes of finding a willing partner. He noticed that Sienna was doing shots at the bar with Alicia, they were trying to convince John to have one with them. When they officially failed, they came up to Sebastian with the lone shot. Alicia looked drunk, her eyes were smaller. Sienna looked very focused.

“What are you gonna sing, Stan” Alicia asked, her Swedish accent peaking through, holding up the shot for him to take.

“I don’t know,” he started, drinking the content of the tiny glass. “I feel like doing a duet. Who’s game?”

“No fucking way!” Alicia said. “Get Sienna to do it.”

“Elephant Love Medley, together?” Sebastian suggested to Sienna, who looked as if she would disappear into the ground if it was physically possible.  
  
“Moulin Rouge? Fuck. Ok, but two things. I need another shot, and you have to sing the Nicole Kidman part, I can’t sing that high.” she answered. Sebastian thought that was hilarious and agreed. He got two vodka shots at the bar after she had shouted “And no brown shit!”. They downed the liquor for courage, and got on to the stage.

They sang the song, the cast and crew were all dying of laughter, whistling and cheering the whole time. Sebastian, to his own surprise, landed the high notes, doing a pretty good Nicole Kidman impression, and Sienna had a good voice, better than she probably realized. Plus, they rocked the last harmony and the crew got up in a _way_ over the top standing ovation.  
  
After another couple hours of talking, and an incredibly performance by Taron who _actually_ could sing really fucking well, they all decided to go to bed. In the production truck that was bringing them back to the hotel, he saw Sienna take her phone out. He couldn’t help but peek at the screen and noticed a lot of missed calls and texts. She sighed, and composed a short answer. It reminded him that he also had not looked at his phone all night. No missed call, no text messages, but around 3000 new followers on Instagram. That part was always weird.

Back at the hotel, they all went their separate ways, he said goodnight to the whole crew before going to his lonely floor, only to realize he was on the same floor as Sienna was. They took the elevator together, talked briefly about music, then hugged goodnight. It was the first time they hugged, Sebastian realized, and she felt small in his arms. Her hair smelled good and, _yeah_.

Once in his bed, it seemed bigger than he remember, and incredibly empty. He always appreciated having _some_ time alone, but right now, in this hotel, he wished he had someone to curl up with. Heat and flesh and perfume. His girlfriend called him and he ignored the call, thinking that it would be believable when he’d tell her he was asleep tomorrow.

 

*******

 

**Sienna**

It was her second to last lesson before they were done with the french scenes. There was the last one with Sebastian left, today, and the real, ultimate last one was with Alicia the next day. That meant going back to Montreal and back to reality. Until the wrap party at least.

She was late, for the first time, because she completely lost track of time while getting ready. That was often the reason for her usual tardiness that she had managed to keep concealed up to now. That, or oversleeping, her favorite thing in the world. She still had gotten the coffees, because it was her turn, and had made a detour for banana bread too because she felt like some. And also because Sebastian had seemed to enjoy it last time.

When she got in the trailer, Sebastian was sitting at the table, reading something on his iPad, looking entirely fascinated. “The roles are reversed.” she said.

“Thank God! It was getting embarrassing for me.” Sebastian answered, putting down the iPad and getting up to free her hands from the coffee and food.

She noticed she always had a dumb smile on her face around Sebastian. The kind of smile you can’t repress, even when you’re trying to be serious. It was the same one she had seen on the face of one of her exes when he was talking about a friend from school. Even though he had sworn there was nothing between them at that time, they had broken up with not long after and had started dating that same girl.

In the time that it took to set her things down on the table, he was already halfway done with the banana bread and she thought it was adorable. She was staring.

“What?” he asked, bringing her back to earth. “Don’t speak with your mouth full.” she said. He opened his mouth to show her the content, like a fucking kid, and Sienna brought her hand up to cover her eyes. “Classy.” she mumbled. And Sebastian laughed.

As usual, they had way too much time allowed for the amount of actual dialogue they had to practice, so they started talking about anything. He wanted to know about her time in London. She told him the whole story, how she had treated it as a writing retreat, but also a moment to take some time for herself, evaluate where she was at.

He stopped her to ask her if she could see herself living here. Sienna explained that while she really loved the place, she couldn’t picture her life here, it wouldn’t be her first choice. “What would be your first choice then?” Sebastian asked her. And that was Sienna’s favorite question, she always wanted to know everyone’s favorite city, so her answer came naturally. “New York!”

“Why?” Sebastian asked. “I mean, it’s my favorite place in the world, but why?”

“It’s the first place I visited where I got that ‘holy shit it’s home’ feeling. I had that a couple other times, but when I would go back to the places, it wouldn’t be the same. With New York, it’s always the same, I always feel that way. When I feel bad, that’s where I want to go. When I want to have fun, that’s where I want to go. I’m always kinda craving it.”

“I totally get it. Every time I’m away, I miss it so much.”

“Home isn’t always where you were born.” she said.

“You’re so right…” Sebastian answered, lowering his eyes in a pensive way. She wondered if talking about “home” stirred up bad memories for him, being an immigrant. Then, he looked up again, the sun hitting his pale eyes in a way that made them even lighter and Sienna could not stop the words before they fell out of her mouth, “Is it blue or grey?” she said.

“What?”

“Your eyes, sorry, are they blue or grey?”

He laughed. “I think blue, but like icey blue.”

Sienna stayed silent for a couple seconds too long, then spoke in french. _Jesus_ , focus girl.

“Fuck, sorry, are you ready to start, is what I’ve been meaning to say.” she eventually got out.

They started revising the line. He had trouble saying “dites-lui” which, in his defense, sounded nothing like the way it was written. She was trying to help as well as she could, and they eventually got it and she didn’t feel close to ready to say goodbye.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

His fucking line was hard. Some words made absolutely zero sense. It was the hardest one yet, harder than when he had 4 lines in the same day. But Sienna gave good advice.  She gave him examples, she asked him to speak a little bit of Romanian so she could see if some words sounded similar, and then she said “Just look at my mouth when I say it.”

So he did. He stared at her lips moving, repeating the words over and over again. Something about it, something about the way french sounded in her mouth and the whole intimate feeling of it, the atmosphere got just a tiny bit heavier around them. He shifted in his seat and looked away for a sec, repressing that little spark of arousal he had just felt in a land far far away, and focused back on the task at hand.

Again, they finished early and he asked her if she wanted to tag along in his trailer. She agreed. “Good. Cause I’m ready” Sebastian started.

“What?” Sienna said, visibly confused.

“We can watch _The Covenant_. If you still want to.” he said, and her eyes lit up.

So they did, and he started regretting it the second he first appeared on screen, looking like a teenager, and a terribly presumptuous one for that matter, but her reaction was worth the humiliation.

“Oh my God you were a baby!” she said in a loud chuckle. “Look how cute you are!”

“Aw, thanks for trying to make me feel better. This is horrible.” he said.

“No, come on, you’re cute. 15 year old me would have loved this.” she said, gesturing at the screen.

He _was_ really young, only 23, when he had made that movie, and he looked nothing like that anymore. He had been fit then, but very thin, and his hair was paler and shorter. Now he was broader, his hair was longer, back to its natural dark brown shade, and life had carved tiny lines at the corners of his too big eyes.

She laughed so hard she cried about 5 times, with actual tears and shit, which made him ease up.  He joined in and actually managed to have fun. Being able to laugh at yourself was a good thing, wasn’t it?

She was so focused on the crazy things happening on screen, for example him screaming “I’ll make you my _wiatch_ ” at the top of his lungs, she probably did not notice her elbow was touching his thigh. He kinda wished she’s lean into it, into _him_ , and commit to the touch. That warmth of it seemed like a tease.

Then the movie ended and she thanked him for that “amazing experience”, her own words. He made a mental note of showing her some other shitty movies he had made if they ever hung out again. He had quite a bit in his filmography that would make her laugh. She stayed on set to watch the scenes until the end of the day.

They said their goodbyes on set. She was leaving the next day, back to Montreal, but they would see each other in about a month for the wrap party, which would be in LA, studio demand. They exchanged phone numbers, in case he needed help with a french word.

They had shot all the french lines already and they both knew it.

 

***

 

**Sienna**

The wrap party was exciting, it was an excuse to go to LA for a little bit, but mostly, it was an occasion to see the whole crew again. Sienna chose an outfit that was stylish but not in an over the top way; a cool, mid length black dress with an open back and tiny straps, paired with a dark red lipstick. It was a little 90’s, a little Wednesday Addams, and she liked it. She was with her dad and her boyfriend. Since she had come back home, it had been a little tense between them, so they were trying to spend a little more quality time together.

She was introducing her boyfriend to John and his wife, he was cool and smart so she had no trouble doing that. Plus, he spoke perfect english and everybody wanted to know what it was like to be a stockbroker, if it was like _The Wolf of Wall Street_ or no, he always made a good impression.

At that moment, looking past John's shoulder, she spotted Sebastian coming in, wearing a fashionable grey crew neck shirt and black pants. He had brought his girlfriend, who was so freaking fucking beautiful it hurt, and that made Sienna glad her boyfriend tagged along for whatever reason.

She did not want to walk all the way to the other side of the cool art gallery somewhere in Santa Monica, to say hello, so she continued her conversation with the director and his wife. Eventually, her boyfriend went to the bathroom and she was left alone with the couple. They were talking about life in London, about theatre, and Sienna felt a warm hand on her back. She turned around and there he was, with the girlfriend, his eyes crinkled like it did when he smiled.  “Bonjour Sienna!” he said, so proud.

Right, she was the _french tutor_.

“Bonjour, how have you been!” Sienna answered, taking him into a quick hug. She turned towards the girlfriend immediately, knowing that when you meet a friend of your boyfriend’s, chances are you hate her.  “Hi, I’m Sienna, it’s so nice to meet you!” she said.

“Hi, I’m Margo. Nice to meet you too,” Margarita, aka Margo, answered. She was an actress too, Sienna had seen her in plenty of things. “So,” Margo resumed, “Sebastian tells me you’re from Montreal!”

And they started talking about plenty different things. Sienna prompting them to come to Montreal, as she did all the time. She was starting to feel like the city should maybe pay her for all that free publicity.

The night was going well. Sienna was talking with everyone, played “Never have I ever” with the stunt coordinator (while thinking “when on earth did we have stunts”) and danced with Alicia. She saw her boyfriend from afar, he was seemingly doing alright, mostly shadowing her dad, or talking with different crew members. She went to the bar for a drink and was joined almost instantaneously by Sebastian.

“Gin & tonic?” he asked. Or suggested. She wasn’t sure.

“You know it,” and he signaled the bartender, ordering two drinks. “So, how did the rest of the shoot go?” she asked him

“Really well. I wrapped almost two weeks ago though, so I can’t speak for them,” he answered, pointing with his chin towards Alicia and Benedict who were talking in a corner.

“Probably went _way_ better without you.” Sienna joked.

He laughed. They got their drinks, and her boyfriend, who was nowhere to be found a second earlier, materialized himself next to them. He shook Sebastian’s hand, introducing himself as Sienna’s boyfriend, he had no name apparently, right before turning towards her and saying “I was looking for you,” in a dry tone.

Sebastian got the hint and pretended he was going to go look for Margo. As soon as he was out of sight, Sienna asked her boyfriend if everything was alright. Apparently, everything was not alright. Apparently, he was drunk and feeling a little jealous, which had always been so out of character for him, but was getting worse and worse since she had left for London a couple months ago.

They argued about they fact that he felt like even when she was there, she wasn’t really "there". She could not, for the life of her, have this conversation once more, and the worst thing was, she knew he was right. They were both to blame in these recent months, but so was life. Maybe they were growing apart, but Sienna couldn’t have this conversation right here, in Santa Monica, surrounded by Hollywood executives and producers.

They were in a corner, sorta hidden from the crowd, but still, Sienna kept on looking behind her boyfriend, trying to make sure nobody could see them. Last thing she wanted was to cause a scene at her first wrap party in LA.

Her boyfriend got annoyed. “Go back to your fucking party, I’m going to the hotel.” he said, a little loud. She watched him leave, too quickly for anyone _not_ to notice, she waited a little, and went outside to get some fresh air. Opening her Uber app on her phone on the way there.

Later when she came in the hotel, ready for an apology, her boyfriend was passed out, taking up almost all the bed and snoring like he was about to die. She seriously considered going back to the fucking party he ruined, but figured she might end up doing things she’d regret.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

Another quick trip to LA. He wondered why couldn’t they have had the wrap party in London, or Paris where they shot the last couple weeks.

Anywho, Sebastian was still excited to see the whole team back again. Him and Margo were treating this as a “vacation”. It was literally the first time they’d seen each other in months. This long distance things was getting harder and harder everyday. The whole cab ride to the party was spent arguing about any little stupid thing they could think of and it was exhausting.

When they got to the location though, tension eased. It was a huge room, beautifully decorated, with paintings hanging everywhere, and everybody was there. Alicia, Ben and his wife, Taron, the whole team. He even got to introduce Margo to Sienna. He had told his girlfriend all about her in the cab, right before they had started arguing.

At one point in the night, right after ordering a drink and briefly chatting with Sienna, he noticed her arguing with her boyfriend all the way in the back of the gallery. He was keeping an eye, just making sure nothing would get out of control. He had noticed her boyfriend had been drinking _a lot_ and he felt a little… protective right now.

Then the boyfriend bolted out of the place. Sienna disappeared in the bathroom for a while, and she went outside. He looked around the room to make sure Margo was okay and she was, chatting in a corner with an actress she knew, so he followed Sienna outside.

She was standing, her back up against the brick wall, looking at the sky, sipping on her drink. Her feet tapping nervously on the sidewalk. “You okay?” Sebastian asked her.

“Yeah. Little fight,” she answered, not turning to look at him.

“D’you smoke?” he suggested, holding his pack to her, realizing he did not know if she did or not. 

“I don’t, but yeah, I’ll have one. Thanks.” she answered, her voice sounding a little hoarse.

He gave her one and lit it. He was watching her lips around the cigarette, her dark red lipstick transferring on the white paper. He felt kinda concerned for her. She looked cold and pissed. “I hate that kind of thing. What are we, children?” she said.

“What happened?” he inquired, carefully, not wanting to hurt her some more, or scare her away.

“The usual. We’re always fighting these days. It’s kinda my fault though.”

“I’m sure that’s not all there is.” he suggested.

She scoffed. “Yeah well... It's not yours is it, so probably mine." she said, and he thought that was a weird thing to say.  "I think I’m gonna go. That’s my Uber” she resumed, pointing to an arriving car. 

“Really? Aight.” he answered, sounding more rude than he intended it.

She twisted her lips in what was probably trying to be a smile, but he could see her eyes watering and her bottom lip quivering. He put a hand on her shoulder, brought her into a hug and said “Look, whatever it is, it’ll be alright. You’re the master of your own happiness.” to which she answered “Hey, that’s my line”.

“Really?” he asked her. He had actually never said that before, but he thought it was an entirely true moto. He always believed the ultimate road to happiness was realizing it was in your own hands and no one else’s. “Well now, it’s mine. Goodnight.”

“See you at the premiere” she said. And off she went.

He went back inside and could not find Margo anywhere. He eventually spotted his girlfriend, half hidden in a dark corner, sharing a line of coke with the other actress. “Great…” he mumbled to himself. It was going to be a shitty night for him too apparently. Margo knew how he felt about that, she knew damn well. She also knew this was _his_ wrap party. Jesus fucking christ. He almost left right there right now to go back to the hotel, away from the unavoidable fight that would ensue from this.


	4. From MTL to NY

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which filming is over. Sienna's in Montreal, Sebastian's in New York.  
> Will they ever see each other again?  
> (Spoiler alert, yeah they will, but there are 6 chapters left to this thing, so you knew that)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in July 2018.  
> It's a short one, but bear with me. I clearly have no clue how to divide chapters.

**Sienna**

Being brought back to reality was harder than Sienna had expected. Not being able to truly share with anybody what she had experienced in London or in LA was weird. Her friends were making it a point not to indulge her, probably afraid the success would get to Sienna’s head. Still, what came from good intentions made her feel alienated from everyone she loved. It made her feel trapped in her own apartment, alone in crowded parties and a tourist in her own city.

She dove head first in her new passion project, a second scenario, something more personal, an idea with which she had been flirting for a while now. She was working on it night and day, relentlessly, mostly to keep her mind from running too much.

After they had returned from their short stay in LA, the arguing between her and her boyfriend had been almost non stop. Eventually, it became way too obvious for neither of them to ignore and they decided to take a break. It was hard, hurting someone you loved, but she knew she had to do _something_ about it before there was no turning back. She wasn’t sure she was ready for that yet, wasn’t sure it was the actual solution.

To take a step back, to reflect, she decided to go to New York for a weekend. She felt at home there, had so many good memories and favorite places, it felt natural. She called her dad who was shooting a movie in the city to ask him if she could stay with him. She kinda needed a shoulder to cry on and ears to listen to her questions and insecurities. He agreed, obviously, and she booked her plane ticket right away.

She landed on Thursday afternoon, the day after, and was meeting her dad after his work for drinks at the Jane Hotel. That evening, sitting back in the comfy leather sofa, with the jazzy/loungy music, surrounded by beautiful stylish people, listening to her dad and his 2nd unit director tell amazing set stories, she finally felt good, free, at peace.

She was tired, emotionally and physically, so her first martini hit a little hard. Halfway through her third though, her inhibitions were fully de-inhibited and she grabbed her iPhone. Without thinking about it, under the questioning eyes of her dad who probably thought she was texting her boyfriend, Sienna scrolled through her contact list, tapped on SebStan, and wrote a simple “You in NYC this weekend?”

After pressing send, she felt instant regret, followed by an equally as instant _fuck it_. Sebastian, surprisingly, answered right away.

S: You in NYC this weekend?

SS: Hi! I’m flying back tomorrow night. Why?

S: Cause I’m here for the weekend!

SS: Cool! I’ll call you tomorrow, we can grab late dinner or wtv!

S: Sounds like a plan!

SS: Good! You’re up late.

S: Not my fault.

She sent a picture of her and her dad, him making an obscene gesture with a certain finger, her holding up a martini to cover her face.

SS: LOL tell him “fuck you too” and order another martini. I hope it’s gin.

S: Done and done. (and obviously, who do you think I am)

SS: I should know better. Enjoy!

“Dad, tomorrow we’re having dinner with Sebastian, okay?” she asked, well _told_ would be a better word for it, her dad. "Sebastian from your movie? From _Mary_?"he asked. Sienna nodded yes. “Sure. You two are texting?” he inquired, saying texting with as much innuendo behind it as humanly possible. She brushed it off, and ordered a fourth fucking martini instead.

The next morning, Sienna woke up at 11 with a blinding headache, surrounded by white bed sheets and pillows, remembered she was in NYC, and immediately grabbed her phone to re-read the conversation. Perfect, she did not embarrass herself. She appeared sober (enough) and Sebastian was going to call her tomorrow. Today! He would call her today. Good.

It was pouring outside and her (very hungover) dad was working all day. They ate a quick breakfast together and he left for set, dropping Sienna off at the Whitney Museum where there was an expo she really wanted to catch.

After about an hour of gazing at bigger than life neon light sculptures, her phone rang in the back pocket of her jeans. “Fuck.” she hissed, which resulted in a couple disapproving glances from fellow museum goers. She slid to answer without looking, whispered “une seconde” and started making her way into the nearest bathroom.

“Oui, désolée, allo?” she said.

“I actually think I understood all of that!” the voice whispered on the other end of the line.

True, Sebastian was going to call her later. English.

“Hey Seb!”

“Where are you and why are we whispering?”

She finally reached the bathroom. “I’m at the museum but it’s all good, I’m hiding in a bathroom far away from the mean people.”

“Which museum?” Sebastian asked.

“Whitney.”

“Oh man, Bruce Nauman? Such a cool exhibit.”

“Yeah, it’s freaking amazing.” she agreed, surprised he knew about it.

“The last room will _blow your mind_ ” he said, pressing the last 3 words.

“Can’t wait. What’s the plan?”

“Hmm, d’you wanna grab a late dinner? We could meet around 10.”

“Perfect, my dad finishes late too, so it works.”

“Cool. Where are you guys staying?”

“Brooklyn.”

“Great. I’ll text you a place. Go back to Nauman now!”

“Alright, see you later!”

They hung up, she finished the tour, was, as promised, blown away by the last room and went back to the hotel for a much, much needed power nap.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

He was in Georgia, filming _Infinity Wars 2_ , had been there for a month, and today was his last day. After that, he had 2 weeks home before another month of Bucky Barnes action, in Europe that time. He was almost passed out on the couch of his hotel room, old episodes of Friends playing in the background, when his phone lit up. He saw Sienna’s name pop up on the screen and was something right between excited and intrigued. It’s not like they texted each other often.

She was in New York with her father. He liked that, the prospect of seeing Sienna and her dad. He was eager to go back home, but did not feel like seeing his friends, or Margo’s friends, not while he spent most of his days arguing via text messages with his girlfriend. He had been so busy, right after filming _Mary_ , it had been IW2 prep, then the shoot, and it had taken its toll on their (already fragile) relationship.

They each still had their own apartments in the city and she was out of town filming so it was not like we was going to see her back home, but he just did not feel like seeing anyone from their group, nor did he want to be alone all weekend. He had been with Margo for 4 years now, it was on and off because they both had increasingly busy schedules, but they were used to the long distance thing. It had worked for them, seeing each other when they could, but recently, it had been… well it had been harder. Borderline impossible.

Friday night came, and a bumpy flight later, _God_ he hated flying, he dropped off his things at his place, showered, put on some boxers, and let himself fall on his couch to call Sienna. She told him her dad would be running a little late. He did not feel like postponing the meeting time, did not want to be alone in his dark, empty apartment, so he suggested they met for a drink and wait for her dad together.

He got dressed in an understated t-shirt, jeans and a baseball cap. It was harder and harder to be incognito. People in the city were generally respectful, but the occasional freak out was never ruled out, and he never knew how to deal with these. So he got to the New Orleans themed cocktail bar they had chosen early (that was a first), got a small table, ordered a gin & tonic and waited.

Sienna came in not long after he did, wearing black skinny jeans, a black cropped up t-shirt and black heels. She looked cool, he thought. She kinda had an edge to her, which Sebastian appreciated, because he liked to think _he_ was a little edgy.

They hadn’t seen each other since the wrap party which was, _shit_ , already 4 months ago, so he got up to hug her. “It’s good to see you!” she started. “What are you drinking?” she asked, furrowing her brows, in a tone that sounded... judgemental? “Is that a fucking gin  & tonic?”  
  
“Yeah…” Sebastian answered, ashamed, but not quite sure why he was ashamed.

“In a NOLA inspired cocktail bar?” she followed with. And now he was simply confused.

“Nola?” he asked, so quiet it was almost to himself.

“Sebby, New Orleans, NO - LA, they invented the cocktail. You can’t drink a gin & tonic here. Not on my watch.” Sienna decreted, and Sebastian could not help but laugh, at that ridiculous nickname, and at her evident passion for New Orleans, and cocktails apparently.

She ordered for him, something called a Sazerac and he loved it. They started talking about their favorite US cities, well, it was mostly her talking with eagerness about New Orleans, which was adorable. They had spent some time together, given, not a huge amount, but it always felt so… domestic. And Sebastian appreciated that, especially right now, especially after hard months of filming away and alone.

One delicious cocktail and too many anecdotes about getting drunk in different cities after, her dad came in the bar with a cameraman who had also worked on _Mary._ Conversation flowed, Jäger shots were taken, Po’ boys sandwiches were eaten (holy shit that was good) and Sebastian felt at home, relaxed and happy for the first time in a while.

It was way better than the last couple months. To be fair, shooting non stop fight scenes everyday (with the occasional accidental real punches) and then having to eat half your body weight in chicken and greens alone in a bland hotel room in Georgia every night, not his definition of fun.

“Jesus christ, you’re huge,” Sienna’s father blurted out, putting Sebastian on the spot, which he hated, especially when it was about his appearance. Yeah, he worked hard at the gym, it was okay if people noticed, but still. He knew it was true, though, he was bigger than when he had been filming _Mary_ . He always dropped the weight quickly between Marvel movies, not because he tried, it was just the way his body was made. So they had known him fit, but not Marvel fit, which was… yeah, _huge_ could be a word to describe it.

“That’s what getting beat up by Thanos everyday will to do a man. We’re all just trying to stay alive.” he said, his voice lower than usual.

Sienna laughed, and lift her hand up, as if she was about to grab Sebastian’s arm, but she stopped her movement halfway, placing her hand back where it had been before, on her thigh. Nobody noticed, nobody except Sebastian.

He couldn’t say why, but at that moment, he felt like reaching under the table and grabbing the hand that was resting on her leg. Maybe also taking it and bringing it to _his_ thigh. He shivered at the thought.

Then her dad asked how much he weighed, bluntly, snapping him right back into reality. Sienna had mentioned once that her dad was obsessed with numbers; ages, birthdays, height, weight. Sebastian thought that was funny, it reminded him of his step dad.

“Oh God, I’m like… a little over 200 right now, I’m not sure how much.” Sebastian answered, shifting in his seat, suddenly very aware of his own body. He turned towards Sienna, who almost choked on her drink, and was now apparently very focused on her straw. Was she going red? He looked away before she could feel his gaze on her and notice he was also getting a little hot in the face.

They talked about going to see a broadway show the next day, on Saturday, but a quick google search revealed it was sold out. They all went to bed around 2 am, goodbye hugs lingering for a couple seconds too long, leaving unanswered questions in the New York city air.

Sebastian spent Saturday in bed, finally feeling the full effects of his exhaustion. He thought about texting Sienna, but figured she was probably spending the day with her dad. Plus, he could really, really use the rest. The hours melted together in a blur of Netflix and naps, and he eventually fell back asleep.

Then, on Sunday morning, he woke up with a text from Sienna:

S: On my way back up North! It was fun seeing you.

Shit. That was 1 hour ago already.

SS: Brunch before you go?

S: Can’t, my flight leaves soon! Raincheck.

SS: Sure thing. Have a safe flight

S: It’s not in my hands though, is it -_-

SS: God I hate flying

S: Join the club

SS: See you at the premiere! I’ll hit you up if I come to Montreal before.

S: Please do! You and Margo would love it.

It would be too complicated to get into the “I’m not sure there still is a Margo” conversation, so he simply left that one unanswered, as it was in his life. Then, he realized he had never asked why she came to New York in the first place. Once, she had told him it was her go to place when she wanted to feel better, or to have fun. Probably the latter, he thought.


	5. Release date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which the movie gets screened at the TIFF and there’s a misunderstanding between our two clueless heroes.  
> Also, they get to wear red carpet clothes and it’s fun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in Toronto in September and in LA in November 2018.

**Sienna**

When she heard the movie was going to be the closing act at the TIFF, Sienna got extremely excited and equally as proud. It was a Canadian festival and, bonus, she had only seen one rough cut a couple weeks back, so it would be her first actual time seeing the whole movie, with the music and everything.

Her agent had called a couple weeks earlier to inform her that the festival people wanted her to join the director and the 3 main cast for the questions panel after the screening. It made her fucking nervous, it would be her first time doing anything like it. The movie played, and 10 minutes before it ended, a person from the organization came to get them in the audience. The lady directed them to a room behind the screen. They were all waiting backstage for the credits to start rolling.

Sienna was pacing the room nervously. When she walked next to the couch where Sebastian was sitting, he grabbed her by the wrist and mouthed “Are you okay?”.  She mouthed back “Nervous.”

He pulled her in, close to his face, and whispered in her ear “Don’t be, you’ll do great. Just answer the questions, take your time, it’ll be fine.” Sienna could feel his breath on her neck. She pulled back slowly and said “Thanks”. At the same moment, loud clapping and cheering spurred from behind the curtain and Sebastian released her wrist from his grip.

A disembodied voice announced the panel would start. Sienna got called out second, right after John. She waved to the audience and sat on her chair, applauding like a dumbass, when Sebastian came out, third, followed by Alicia and, lastly, Benedict, who got the loudest cheers.

The panel was moderated by a local journalist who was interviewing them with class, adding valid observations on the movie. He eventually went to the audience for questions and Sienna sat back and relaxed a little. She thought for sure the audience would only care about the actors and would leave her alone.

“Hi! Thank you guys for coming,” started a nervous voice. “My question is for all the actors. You’ve all been to TIFF before, as Canadians we’re extremely proud of this festival.” Sienna cheered a low “Woo!” which prompted the audience to applaud again. The young girl asking the question laughed into her microphone. “Yeah!!!” she resumed. “So, what does a festival like this mean to you guys?”

Sebastian started. “Oh a great deal, my first was 2015 and it's always so impressive, the passion of the people here.”

Sienna couldn’t keep herself from interjecting. “You were here in 2015? So was I!”

“No way! That’s so stupid why didn’t we see each other?” Sebastian asked, perplexed.

“We didn’t know each other in 2015 Seb. But sorry, go on.” she said. They all laughed. Questions kept on coming. Eventually, to her.  
  
“Hi! My question is for the writer,” Sienna was a little startled, shifting her position to sit upright, like a proper lady. “You said before in another interview that this was your dream cast, why did you want these three to play your characters, like which of their roles convinced you?” 

“Thank you for your question!” Sienna started. “You’re totally right, I had a secret Pinterest board with these faces on it. So, after seeing _The_   _Danish Girl_ and _Testament of Youth_ , I knew Alicia would be perfect for Mary. Then, for the character of Edward, I think it’s Benedict’s role in _The Imitation Game_ that made him the only choice in my mind.”

She paused a little.  
  
“And for the role of Thomas…” she said, noticing Sebastian shuffling in his seat a little. She knew how he hated praise, how it made him feel uncomfortable.

“I immediately thought of _The Coven_ -” and she couldn’t finish, stopped by her own laugh. Sebastian lowered his head laughing, running a hand on his face, murmuring a low “dammit” under his breath. The audience started cheering.

“I feel like there is an inside joke there” said the moderator.  
  
“Yeah, but no, really,” she recollected herself, “I had seen the Marvel movies, and he’s really good in them, but what really convinced me is one of his early roles in _The Education of Charlie Banks_ , he played that character with such ease and coolness but you could feel the deeper layer, the insecurities, and that’s something he’s really good at.” she finished.

Was that too much? She thought. But before she could decide, Sebastian said “Wow, thanks. It’s one of my favorite roles.” he seemed genuinely touched. “But you can tell them it’s because I’m emotionally unstable like the character is.”

“And he’s out of his mind too” she joked again.

“You too have great chemistry!” said the _fucking_ moderator, which made her nervous, and when she got nervous she relied on humour.  
  
“Nah, we can’t stand each other, it’s all pretend.”

“Yeah she’s horrible,” Sebastian added, and reached to pat Sienna’s thigh. Which left her way too dumbstruck say anything else.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

He loved going to the TIFF. Always. It was such a huge dose of love from fans and people in the business alike. He loved it especially when he was there to promote a movie he was actually proud of. And good reception at TIFF pretty much always meant good chances at the Oscars so a lot was on the line, to say the least.

After the screening, Ben, Alicia, John, Sienna and himself were asked to do a question panel. This was going to be fun, there would for sure be way better questions than for his usual promotion panels. For once, it wouldn’t be about Downey or his gym routine. For once, it might actually be about _acting_.

The panel was going well. Sienna, who seemed so nervous right before she made her entrance on stage, was surprisingly really good at this, with the occasional english mistake which made her even more endearing. For the audience. She was also extremely funny, which was good for Sebastian. He’d normally get completely overshadowed in panels with lots of people, unless there was someone with whom he could joke a little. The moderator even said they had great chemistry together, which made him smile. Last time he got that was with Mackie.

“We’re going to take questions from the audience now.” announced the moderator at one point, and that was usually the end of relevant questions for Sebastian.

“Hi, my question is for Sebastian. So this character, he’s a little bit of an asshole,” The audience laughed. God, that was the millionth time a question for him started that way. “But we still root for him. Did you know straight from reading the script how to make him likable, or does that come while filming?”

Oh. That was actually not too bad a question.

“Hum… I’d say it’s all thanks to the writing, to Sienna’s writing.” he turned towards her. “She wrote Thomas in a way that we understand why Mary falls in love with him, but we can also see that she might have placed expectations on him that he never could have filled. So, yeah, I only had to like…  say the lines.”

“You did much more,” said Benedict in his low voice, which startled Sebastian. He continued, turning towards the people in the audience this time, “He did much more, I’ve worked twice with Sebastian now and I can tell you he’s a very talented actor. He does a lot with his eyes, with his physicality.” God why did everything sound so much better with an english accent.

“Wow, thank you Ben!” was the only thing he could manage to say. He still was not over Cumberbatch, the man was possibly the best actor out there these days.

Sienna joined in. “Yeah that’s true, a lot of the lines, and the way the character says a lot without actually saying it, that was directly inspired by Sebastian’s acting style.”

That did not make sen.. Wait, _what_?

“Did you re-write the character once Sebastian got cast?” asked the moderator, probably as puzzled as Sebastian felt right about now, because that couldn’t be right.

Sienna’s eyes widened in surprise. “Oh… huh… Well, I, no, I wrote the part for - with, with Sebastian in mind.” she said, hesitating.

“That’s unusual!” the moderator continued.

Sebastian was baffled. He did not know that, and it changed a lot of things. The script started to roll in his head, from his character description (“mid 30s, very attractive with piercing eyes”, was that it?) to some of his dialogues. All of that was written _for_ him? Was that why it felt so natural for him to slip into that character?

As soon as the panel ended and they were backstage, Sebastian took Sienna aside.

“I didn’t know that.” he started.

“Know what?” Sienna asked. He could not tell if she was really clueless or pretending.

“That you… That you wrote the role _for_ me”

“Oh,” she paused. “Well, I couldn’t know for sure you’d be cast, but yeah, if I’m being honest, you were sort of the inspiration I guess.” she confessed.

“Wow… shit. Thanks?” he answered. It sounded more like a question than an affirmation, but we was not able to do any better. He was at a lost for words, not knowing how he felt. He was grateful, for sure, moved, yeah, but it also put things into perspective. Would he still have gotten the part if it hadn’t been the case? If she had written it with another actor in mind, perhaps one who had a bigger range or more experience, he probably would not have gotten it... 

He felt like he needed a moment to reflect on that. He kinda wanted to go back to the hotel now, so that’s what he did.

 

*******

 

**Sienna**

After her last weekend in NYC back in the summer, she and her boyfriend had agreed on trying again. He had been more patient, she was making an effort on being more attentive, it was… It was better. But he couldn’t get out of work for the premiere in November, so Sienna was accompanied by a couple friends and, of course, her dad. Which was a promise for a much more fun night and an even better after party.

Her friends were cool girls. They were smart and funny, but they were not film buffs like Sienna, nor were they groupies, at all. That made them great partners for a premiere like this where anyone could have easily freaked out. Plus, they were great at keeping Sienna grounded, acting like it was no big deal at all that a movie she wrote was having its big premiere in LA right now. Or that it had gotten amazing reviews after the TIFF.

She was in the hotel next to where the premiere was happening, squeezing into her dress with the help of her two friends, her dad waiting in the adjacent room. Her phone buzzed, she took a look at it and it was Alicia saying “Girl where you at?” Sienna answered “Room 405” and not a minute after there was a knock on her door.

One of her friends opened, and there was Alicia, champagne bottle in hand. She stopped for a second to take a look at Sienna.

“Are you fucking shitting me?” she said. Jesus, she had a mouth on her.

“Oh god Alicia you look so beautiful.” Sienna said, baffled by that vision in an extremely haute couture dress before her.

“What about you! Damn.” Sienna felt her cheeks blush as Alicia started pouring them 5 glasses of champagne. “Go get your dad.” she commanded. Sienna obliged, and they all gathered in a circle in the middle of the room.

Sienna raised her glass and cleared her throat. “Ok guys, that’s it, there’s no turning back. And whatever happens after tonight, I want you to know that writing and making that movie has been the best couple years of my life. Thank you Alicia for your talent, thank you papa for all the support, Fanny and Kristen, thank you for being here with me. I love you all!” They clicked all their glasses together and, soon enough, all the champagne was gone and it was time to go.

Walking on an LA premiere red carpet was something else. It was pictures, interviews, fans screaming, not for her, she was only the screenwriter, but still, a lot of loud screaming. Everyone looked amazing and it was a beautiful day in the city, the magic hour sunlight made even more breathtaking by the perfectly warm weather. Sienna was taking it all in.

“Oh god would you look at that. He’s beautiful.” whispered her friend Fanny, looking somewhere in the distance. Sienna followed her gaze, and saw Sebastian, signing autographs over the fence in an amazing cobalt suit, his PA shadowing him, pressing him to go faster.

Last time she had spoken to Sebastian, they had left things in sort of an awkward position. She thought she completely freaked him out by saying he was the inspiration behind the character. Maybe because he thought she saw him that way, as a cheating asshole, she wasn’t sure but, in any case, it had been uncomfortably tensed. He had left the panel quickly, skipping the crew dinner. Which left everybody somewhere between worried and pissed.

She didn’t want the weirdness get in the way of this day she had waited for all her life. She took matters into her own hands, locked eyes with him, waved, and started making her way towards him on the red carpet. She was anxious, but she knew it was the right thing to do.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

It wasn’t his first premiere and they didn’t usually make him particularly nervous, but this one was something else. It was the first time people would really see him acting in a feature length drama. His roles were often one note, but this one showed his skills. Or lack thereof, and that was the freaking nerve wracking part.

He was walking the red carpet, feeling a little awkward, posing for so many different people who were taking his picture, screaming for him to look their way. He kept bumping into people from the crew and the cast and it felt good to see all of them again, reminding him how special that movie was, how different he felt right now from all of his previous experiences.

He saw Sienna from afar. She was with her dad, Sebastian assumed her boyfriend was not able to come, and two girls who seemed to be her age. He normally brought Margo to premieres, but she was on the other side of the country filming a TV show, so he was with his buddies too.

He had seen her in casual chic clothes, but in a full blown premiere dress, it was the first time. He stared a little. Her hair was longer, she looked tanned, she looked good. Really good. Her dress was blue, so was his suit, and that reminded him of that first time they had met and they were basically wearing the same thing and he smiled at the thought.

He was looking at her, walking towards him in that dress and his heart started beating faster. She finally reached him, a huge smile on her face and hugged him right there on the red carpet. When they broke the embrace, he grabbed her by the shoulders and said:

“You look a-ma-zing.”

“Really!? Shit, thanks! You too.” she answered, a little embarrassed.

“Are you nervous?” he asked her. A stupid, but relevant, question.  
  
“Oh yes. If I pass out, tell the medics I was really nervous.” It was a joke she often made,  “If I pass out, tell them I was hungry.” or thirsty or hot or that my head hurt, and each time it made him laugh. This one, he laughed so loud it actually startled her. “Calm the fuck down Stan.” he thought to himself.

Then, he got called over by journalists and he told her “Don’t do anything stupid until I get back!” immediately thinking she’d never get the reference, but then, to his surprise, she rolled her eyes and said “Jerk.” , right before disappearing into the crowd. He grinned and turned towards the person holding the microphone who, obviously, only wanted to know all about Marvel and things he couldn’t talk about. Arg.

After the red carpet frenzy, he made his way into the theatre, sat down, and tried not to let his nerves get the best of him. He wasn’t so good at watching himself. He noticed every one of his acting crutches, things he always did because he knew it worked, or things that were plain tics, like clenching his jaw, squinting his eyes, licking or biting his lips. Jesus, how did people watch him for more than a second was beyond him. Still. The movie was amazing and he knew he did a good job. He thought. He hoped.

The last scene ended, the credits started rolling and the audience got up in a standing ovation. Sebastian turned to look over at Sienna, sitting one row behind him, and she was in tears. The director went in front to talk a little bit about the movie and said they owed it all to the screenplay, which made her cry again, and Sebastian thought it was really endearing.

The director also praised _his_ performance, which was not the first time it had happened to him, but felt _real_ for the first time. He was actually really proud of this one. They all had drinks together after in this really cool LA club, but he had to leave somewhat early because he had reshoots in the morning. Again.

He was trying to find Sienna to say goodbye. Who knew, if they were not going to the Oscars, this might be the last time they ever saw each other. He truly, fucking hoped not.

She eventually came to him, a huge smile brightening up her pretty face and a martini in her hand.

“Seb! John said you were looking for me?” she started.

“Yeah, I wanted to say goodbye!”

“Leaving already?” she asked, seemingly disappointed, and her expression made his heart hurt a little.

“Yeah, Marvel reshoots in the morning.” 

There was a silence. She was biting her lower lip. Then she looked right back up at him and said, with more determination, “Look Seb, about TIFF, what I said, about writing the part for you, I’m sorry.”

He was so confused. “What? Wait, why are you sorry? I’m sorry I reacted like an asshole!”

“No please don’t be, I understand, it was a little much.”

“A little much?” Thoughts started running through his mind, his reaction must have been more intense then he had realized. She thought he was _mad_ with her for writing him a role!?

“Oh shit! No, Sienna, that is not… no! That’s not why I… It just took me by surprise, I started... “ he was hesitating. He didn’t like showing that side of him. “Look. It’s my first important dramatic role, for a second, when you said that, I started… hm… doubting myself. I thought maybe I had done a good job only because you wrote it for me, knowing what I could and could not do…”

Sienna reached up to squeeze his shoulder and said “Oh my god are you serious? Honestly, I hated that character before, I couldn’t write a fucking line for him before I thought about you playing him. And you could have been bad at it for all I knew, but you,” she poked her heart with her finger, “You brought him to life and you exceeded any of my expectations, seriously. You really have something to be proud of.”

“I…. hum.” he paused, thinking about what he was going to say next. “It means a lot… thanks.”

“Don’t mention it. Thanks for the inspiration?” she suggested, smiling.

“Look, I’m positive we’ll get to the Oscars and we’ll see each other again, but still, I wanted to say you’re great. And call me when you come to New York. Anytime.”

“Same for you, you have to come to Montreal!” she pressed him.

“I will,” he said reeling her in for a hug. “It was a lot of fun working with you Sienna. You’re really talented. Call me for your next one.” he said, his voice somewhat muffled in her hair.

Sebastian pulled back, and, by a force stronger than his own will, lift Sienna’s chin up with a finger. One, big shiver ran through her body.  
“Thank you.” he said, looking directly into her questioning eyes, and she replied “You too.”

He left, alone, in a Uber. He wanted to call someone, he felt like talking. Maybe Mackie would still be up. But he wasn’t. He tried his friend Will, and still no luck. So he went to bed, slept the nervosity off, and got back into his regular life.


	6. The Oscars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which it’s award seasons! Both Sebastian and Sienna have little parties for the Oscars nominations, they both have theories about which might get nominated. We'll see who's right.  
> Also, a lot of crying and hand holding apparently.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in Montreal & NYC in January and LA in February 2019.

**Sienna**

Sienna was having a little Oscar nominations party with her friends, some family members and her boyfriend. It was kind of a boozy brunch, her suggestion. The mimosas were helping, but she was definitely nervous as shit. She was trying to play it cool, making jokes, telling everyone how she was _way_ more nervous for the actors and the director than herself, because _they_ had a real shot and she clearly did not.

She knew her chances were less than slim. What she was really, truly hoping for was that the Academy would go out of its usual way and give a nomination to John for directing and to Sebastian for supporting role. Alicia was almost a sure bet, but these two would be amazing surprises.

The host on TV started working methodically through the categories, and slowly, but surely, Sienna knew hers was coming. There was still a tiny part of her that hoped she’d get nominated even though she was not american, she was young and it was her first script. That tiny part had a very loud voice and she couldn’t keep herself from dreaming a little.

She almost choked on her third mimosa when the voice on TV said “And now, for original screenplay, the nominees are…” She dug her nails in her father’s arm and watched the man open the tiny envelope. That’s the last thing she saw before hearing a concert of cheers and kisses and hugs. Her mind went totally blank, then her phone started buzzing in her hand, snapping her back into the room, and she saw Sebastian’s name on the screen. 

Instinctively she pulled away, her friends and family still cheering, and answered. 

“YOU’RE NOMINATED” Sebastian screamed at the other end of the line and in that moment, she realized there were no other voices she’d rather hear.

“Oh my god Seb! I can’t believe it!” she said, her own voice starting to shake a little. “How the fuck did that happen!”

“Well you wrote an amazing screenplay! I’m so fucking proud of you.”   
  
“Thanks! Oh god. Holy shit,” and  _ great _ , she was crying now. “I can’t believe it’s real. It’s probably not real. I’m so happy.”   
  
“I’m really, really happy for you! We’re gonna have so much fun at the Oscars” he said, which was a cute thing to say, Sienna thought.

“What the fuck am I gonna wear.”

“Do you always swear that much when you’re excited?” he asked. And, on TV, the host said “For best performance in a supporting role...” and time stopped again.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

He was watching the live Oscar nominations with his mom, his 4 best friends and Margo. He was so nervous he could not concentrate. He was mindlessly eating his way through a bowl of he did not even know what, staring at the TV, the voices of the people around him muted like background noise. 

He  _ really _ did not expect to get nominated, he was still just a superhero movie star, but he still hoped the movie got nominations. And truthfully, he also had a tiny glimmer of hope that he might get one too… Other actors and some people from the Academy had told him there was some buzz around his performance and that had messed with his mind.

After 30 minutes of very technical categories, the host got to adapted screenplay. Sebastian realized that meant Sienna could get nominated for original screenplay, which made him even more nervous, for whatever reason. And he couldn’t believe he had not realized that earlier. He should have texted her.

Too late, the host started “For best achievement in an original screenplay, we have…. Aaron Sorkin,  _ My life with London _ ,  Graham Moore for  _ The Lake _ , Sienna Faure- “ Sebastian’s heart stopped in his chest, his face felt numb. His mom looked at him with a huge smile. Sienna got nominated. “First one!” one of his friend shouted and Sebastian did not even have to think about it, he grabbed his phone and called her.

He was in the midst of congratulating Sienna when he heard, simultaneously on his tv and on hers through the phone, the best supporting actor category being announced. From the other side of the room, Margo gave him a disapproving look that meant come back here, now, and mouthed “Who the fuck are you talking to?”

“Holy shit” Sienna said in the phone. “It’s your category.” and Sebastian did not want to hang up. So he did not, ignoring his furious girlfriend.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m for sure not going to get nominated.” he answered. Half trying to convince her, half trying to convince himself.

“Do you want me to hang-” she started to ask, but he cut her off. “Please stay?” he pleased, hoping he didn’t sound too shaky.

“Sure.” she answered, and he could hear the smile in her voice.

He stared at his TV, his iPhone glued to his left ear.   The host said “Mark Rylance, _ Treason _ , Mark Ruffalo  _ My life with London, _ JK Simmons  _ The Two Windows _ , Edward Norton,  _ Splash _ , and Sebastian Stan, for  _ Mary _ .”

He heard his family freak the fuck out, then Sienna’s crew do the same thing through the phone. “HOLY SHIT I KNEW IT! I fucking knew it, you deserve it so much!” she said.

“Thank you so much, thank you so so so much for that screenplay, you don’t even know. Oh my god.”

“No, don’t thank me, you did it all, hang up, go celebrate with your friends, now.” she commanded.   
  
“Ok, ok. Ok. Oh my god! Ok. Ruffalo though! I have no chance.” he said, not even quite sure what he was saying anymore.

“Seb, yours is the best one I swear to god. Go kiss your mom.” Sienna reassured him.

“Yes. I’ll talk to you later. Holy shit. Bye.” and he hung up. Hugs and kisses and more disapproving looks from the girlfriend ensued, but he was so fucking happy, he did not even know if his or hers made him more excited.

The director also got nominated, Alicia, and the movie. For best movie. It was so amazing, so unexpected, he felt on cloud 9.  The nominations were always early in the morning, so the rest of the day was spent on answering calls, a LOT of texts and quite a bit of emails.

Later, at dinner with the same people who were there earlier, they popped a bottle of champagne to celebrate. He snapped a picture of it and sent it to Sienna, joining it with “Congrafuckingtulations”.

She answered with a pic of her holding what seemed to be a Jäger bomb shot? with written underneath “likefuckingwise :)”.

His Instagram had been blowing up all day, he knew he needed to give "them" something. He loved his fans, they were so supportive, always standing behind him with whatever he was doing, it was unreal. So he posted the same picture with a way too long caption in which he thanked everyone who went out to see the film, everyone who helped make it, John for being such a sensitive and human director and Sienna for writing his favorite part to date. He tagged Sienna on the bottle, because she was the only one who had Instagram. He did not think it through, as he never did, and comments of people wondering “who’s that girl” started rolling in, but he couldn’t care less. The picture got 150 000 likes in 10 minutes and, still, he could not get over that part. 

 

***

 

**Sienna**

She had put a lot of thought in her dress for the premiere, but she doubled the efforts for the Oscars. Hired a stylist, who crammed her in a skintight dark green/emerald dress, had her makeup done by her favorite celebrity makeup artist and her hair looked flawless. She was pretty satisfied with the whole look.

The red carpet was crazy. She had been getting some attention from the press recently, every day or so she was getting booked on interviews, mostly for being the youngest woman screenwriter ever nominated, but also, she liked to think, because the script was good and she might actually have a chance to win it? 

Her family was waiting on the sidelines as she was being interviewed by ET. They were asking her about the dress and she was trying to get the conversation back to actual things that mattered when she heard the crowd scream. The interviewer said “Here is the star of your movie,” Sienna turned around, expecting to see Alicia or Benedict, but there was Sebastian, standing behind her, looking very dashing in a dark green suit, his hair shorter than it was last time she saw him. He was saying hi to someone… oh, he was saying hi to her! The interviewer signaled him to join in, and so he did. 

“We match.” Sienna blurted out, pointing to the colours of their outfits and immediately feeling stupid.

“We always do!” he said, smiling, then turned to the interviewer, “Doesn’t she look beautiful?” 

“She really does!” the interviewer continued. “Are you two excited for your nominations? It’s the first one for both of you right?”   
  
“Yes it is! I think I might be more nervous for him than me though.” she said, to her own surprise. Who the fuck says things like that on live TV.

“I totally agree! I’m more nervous for you too, and for the whole movie. I mean, we are so lucky to have worked on such an amazing film.” he said, taking control, probably picking up on her nervousness. 

“A very good movie indeed. Are you feeling good about your chances? Sienna?”

“Honestly, it's a cliché, but it’s an honour just to be nominated with these legends.”

“Sebastian?” the interviewer followed with.

“Same! I mean, they are all actors I admire, with careers I could only aspire to have one day… It is an honour.”

“Well you too enjoy your big night!”

“We will!” Sienna said. We? She’d have to stop acting like they came here together, matching outfits or no, jesus christ. 

They were making their way towards the entrance of the theatre, both their entourages standing somewhere in the back, as they were instructed to, for pictures.

“Did you prepare a speech?” Sebastian asked.

“Yeah, but I really, really don’t expect to win. I mean, Aaron Sorkin is nominated for christ sake.” she answered, and she meant it.

“I still think you have good chances.”

“Don’t be cute.” 

Sebastian smiled, looking down shyly. They kept on walking, eventually going through the theatre door, and got to their seats. They were sitting next to each other. Of course. Murphy’s law  _ is  _ a thing and, as always, what  _ can _ happen,  _ will  _ happen.

Sitting on her left, Sienna had her boyfriend, then her dad, her mom and her sister. On her right was Sebastian, then his mother, his 2 best friends and Margo. It struck her as weird that they were not seated next to each other but she knew better than to read too much into things.

They had the order in which the prizes were being presented. They knew it started with supporting actor and actress, to kick the night off with big stars. Screenplay was 8th on the list.

The first award was supporting actress. Thank God for a little breathing room, Sienna thought. The actress who won made a short speech, and it all started moving really fast. They were naming the nominees for the male recipient and Sienna felt Sebastian tense up next to her. His hands clenched on his knees. Her own breaths were getting shorter, getting stuck in her throat, not able to go any lower.

They called the 5 nominees, a cameraman getting close to Sebastian’s face, if he could have sit on his lap, he would have done it. Last year’s winner opened the little envelope, and said “And the Oscar goes to… Sebastian Stan!” A wave of surprise made it’s course through the audience, and Sienna got up and started clapping. Everyone in the adjacents seats, all from the crew, followed her. Sebastian, both hands making their way from his mouth, to his hair to the back of his neck, also got up, and turned towards Sienna. Before his fucking  _ mom _ ? What on earth. 

Sienna could feel she had started crying, but could not care less, that was a moment she wanted to remember in it’s entirety, who cared what she looked like, “You won. You did it. Oh my god congrats.” she told him. He hugged her, she could feel his racing pulse on his neck, right where her cheek was buried. They broke the embrace, but he kept one hand on her right shoulder, squeezing it mindlessly, as he turned to kiss his mom. He let go, his hand falling slowly on her arm, all the way to the back of her hand, Sienna shivering under the touch, and he started walking towards the stage, buttoning his jacket. 

His course was stopped by Alicia, sitting first row, who hugged him tightly, visibly ecstatic for her costar. When he finally got up, and a girl gave him is  _ fucking _ Oscar, Sienna realized she was still standing up, tears running down her face. Her father told her, in french, that she could sit down now. So she sat down now, still completely in shock. 

“Oh my god. Okay. Wow, thanks to the Academy. I can’t believe this, I really, and this is cliché, and saying it’s cliché is even more of a cliché but, yeah, I really did not expect to win. Thank you to everybody at Fox, to my manager, you’ve been there for so long… John, you are such a great director it was an honour to work with you. To the whole cast, Taron, Ben, Alicia, you were great and I learned a lot from all of you guys. Sienna, thank you, I owe so, so much to your script, you… well, you know. Thanks to my mom, without you I literally would not be here, for so many reasons, I love you. Yeah. Thank you!” 

 

* ******

 

**Sebastian**

The ambiance in the press room was crazy. He was the second winner of the night after all, the media people were not tired yet, not at all. He took pictures with the trophy for a couple minutes, then it was time for questions.

His hands were shaking as he answered things in the realm of what had attracted him to the screenplay, how was it to work with John, with Benedict Cumberbatch or how was it to be in the Marvel family, and he was eventually released back into the theatre.

Making his way to his seat during a commercial break, he gave a quick kiss on Margo’s forehead, high fived his bros and hugged his mom, a real, long hug. He told him how much he loved her, in Romanian. She said the was so proud of him, still in Romanian. That almost made him cry. “Contain yourself Stan.” he thought for himself. When he sat down, he turned towards Sienna.   


“I can’t believe it, what the actual fuck!” he told her.   
  
“I’m so happy for you,” she answered.  “But I kinda knew you were gonna win.” Then the show started again, bringing him back to earth. Where were they? He had missed a couple nominations while in the press room, hers might be coming soon.

It did, and with it, came a growing feeling of nervosity. His mouth felt dry and he could feel his heart beating in his temples. They started naming the nominees, and there was that cameraman again, but in Sienna’s face that time. They finally called the winner, and it was  _ her _ .

Sebastian felt like time around him had stopped. He actually gasped and got up in a second, hugging Sienna before she could fully get up herself. He took her face in his hands, she covered his with her hands, and he said “We did it!”  _ We _ ? Come on man.

She hugged her family, started crying when she saw that her little sister was crying, and made her way to the stage, tripping a little between two seats. Her family members were beaming with pride, whistling and cheering as loud as they could and Sebastian could not fully understand what he was feeling. It was more than joy, not exactly pride, nor was it relief. It was a new one, and he’d have to find a word for it.

Sienna was standing on the stage, Oscar in one hand, adjusting the mic with the other and with a very shaky voice, she started speaking.

“This, this cannot be real. I really want to thank everybody at fox, the Academy, John the amazing director who took my words and made them live beautifully. I want to thank my agent, everybody who read that script, I want to thank the cast who’s, let’s face it, the most good looking cast ever! Alicia, Ben, Taron, Sebastian,” her voice broke a little when she said his name. “Oh yeah, get emotional  _ now, _ ” she joked, which made the whole audience laugh, including Sebastian, “Yeah, I’m so happy you won, you deserved it so much. Thanks to my friends, my boyfriend, my family, you guys are my favorites. Dreams do come true, people, you just have to go and get them! Thanks!”

And she left, on that perfect note. Her speech was way better than his, he thought. She came back a little while after, all smiles and watery eyes. 

“Oh my god I’m shaking. Look at that.” she said, holding her hands up to Sebastian’s face. He took her hands in his own, squeezing them lightly. He felt like he needed to say something, anything, but could not put some goddam words on this goddam thing he was feeling.  So he simply held her gaze, he  _ had  _ just won an Oscar, maybe he’d be able to convey emotions with his eyes only. Someone who was sitting in the row before them turned to congratulate Sienna, and he let go of her hands as quick as a thief caught in the act.

The show went by so fast, a lot of jokes were made, speeches were said and trophies were won. Alicia won best actress, but that was it for them. John lost to Scorsese, gladly, and the movie lost to that huge budget biopic Sebastian hadn't seen yet. Him and Sienna were going to different after parties. In the chaos of the end of the night, interviews and shaking hands, he was not able to find her to properly say goodbye. All he got was a text from her.

_ Seb. Part of why I was able to finish that script was the inspiration all of you gave me. I want to thank you for your talent, for the way you embraced the character and the way you made him yours. Congrats again for tonight, I hope you know you deserved it and that it’s not your last one. You’re an amazing actor, a smart and funny human, even if you’re always late to meetings. Enjoy your big night with your favorite people, drink a thousand gin & tonic for me, and I wish I’ll see you again. Xx _

He pretended to go to the bathroom to sit down in one stall and take the time to answer properly.

_ HEY that’s unfair, you were late too (once). But, really, I want to thank you too. I am so grateful for this script, and for you. I’ll forever be. You’re so talented I can’t wait to see where you take things next and, hopefully, I’ll get to be a part of it. I have your number, you have mine, don’t be a stranger. I’m coming to your city in the summer (i just decided) so you’ll definitely be stuck with me at least once more. Don’t party too hard kid! Xxxxx _

He smiled reading it again, then a couple times more, before going to find his friends outside the bathroom door. 


	7. After all this

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which people realize things that have been staring them in the face for ... 6 chapters now.  
> Also, everything that happens next is because of a Youtube video and Anthony Mackie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in April 2019, in Montreal & NYC  
> It's a very short one, but the next one is longer & will contain actual sexy times. Finally!

**Sienna**

Sienna was sitting in a cafe, sipping on her second iced latte of the day, working on her latest script. Her friend Fanny was sitting opposite her, also focused on her laptop, creating magic on photoshop. “Isn’t cold out for an iced latte?” Fanny asked, eyes still fixated on her screen. “Tastes better.” Sienna mumbled under her breath.

She could not, for the life of her, concentrate. Her mind was racing and there was nothing she could do about it. A weird thing had happened after the Oscars, the Internet had gotten a little obsessed. Some people, mostly Sebastian’s fans, had decided they thought him and Sienna looked cute together. Apparently, their red carpet appearance and their speeches were enough to start  _ rumours _ . Sienna repressed a nervous chuckle at that thought. 

Almost each time she’d open her computer, Sienna was reminded this existed. Either a friend would send her a meme (like a picture of them on the red carpet with the caption “Find yourself a man who looks at you like Sebastian Stan looks at Sienna Faure”), or she’d google her name (a thing no one should _ever_ do) and get lost in the blog posts. Each time she did that, it left her feeling the exact same disappointment you’d feel waking up from an amazing dream. Each time, she’d feel a void left by something that never existed. 

There was also the videos. Oh god, the videos.

One in particular had been brought to her attention when, a couple weeks back, her boyfriend had confronted her with it. It was a short youtube video that had a couple tens of thousands of views, an edit of interviews in which Sienna talked about Sebastian and vice versa, with both of their Oscars speeches. It looked, with the right editing and right music, kinda, sorta, incriminating.

But the worst part was, when her boyfriend had made her watch it, she tried hard, really hard, but nothing could remove that dumb smile that was tattooed to her face. The same one her ex had had that one time, that incriminating, stronger-than-will smile that was more telling than any words could ever be.

Her boyfriend had started getting all jealous, which escalated into a conversation about them, and their future, and the fact that they were not getting along right now.

Exhausted and fed up, Sienna had called it. “I think we should break up, we’re hurting each other all the time, I’m tired of disappointing you, you’re probably tired of getting mad at me every day, let’s just do ourselves a favour.” He had the nerve to ask if it was for Sebastian. She had felt her cheeks flush as she assured him that, no, there was nothing between Sebastian and her. 

Back at the café, with her friend, she was brought out of her daydreaming by a text message alert, with Sebastian’s name popping on her phone. Her heart skipped a beat, or 28, and without opening it, she slid her iPhone on the table for her friend to see. 

“Holy shit.” Fanny said, ripping her gaze from her computer for the first time in hours.

“Open it for me? I can’t.” Sienna begged. Her friend rolled her eyes at her, but deep down, she knew that Sienna had been hurting since the Oscars. They had never precisely talked about it, but Fanny was smart and had known Sienna long enough to recognize that sad look on her face. She opened the text.

“It’s a youtube video,” she started. “Oh, it’s  _ the _ video. He’s late!”

“Ah… fuck.” Sienna sighed. She had hoped he would never see it, that they would never need to have that awkward conversation. 

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

He was having lunch with Mackie, burgers at his favorite place in Brooklyn. They were prepping for the madness of the  _ Infinity Wars Part 2  _ press tour that would start in the next days. It was a special one, that movie. It ended with Cap dying, and Bucky picking up the shield. Sebastian could not wait to see the public’s reaction. Sure, they would be pissed, everyone fucking  _ loved _ Chris Evans, but he also hoped they’d be excited about it. 

"Man, I can’t believe you’re getting to be Captain America  _ and _ win an Oscar in the same year. Leave some for the others.” Anthony said.

“I know, I can’t grasp the concept of it. It’s weird as fuck.” Sebastian answered between two bites.

“Yo, you’ve seen the video, right?” Anthony asked with a mischievous smile, and no, no he had not seen  _ the video.  _ What did that even mean? Sebastian did not look himself up on the internet, there were too many weird things and too many obsessed teenagers. His tagged pictures on Instagram were scary enough already. 

“No fucking way! You didn’t? You and that girl, no?”

“Bro, you’re gonna have to be more specific, what video, what the fuck?”

“Wait. I’ll show you.” his friend answered. So, so pleased with himself. Fucker.

Anthony got his iPhone out, tapped on it for a couple seconds, then passed it to Sebastian.

“Press play.” he commanded. So Sebastian did, expecting the worst. Last time someone had done that, it was a porn version of Bucky and Cap that he really wished he hadn’t seen.

The intro beat to  _ Temptation _ by New Order started with footage of himself on a red carpet and Sebastian could not have been more confused. Until it cut to images of Sienna at the same event, it was them at the Oscars. _What on earth._ The song still going, lyrics starting to appear on the screen at the same time.

_ Heaven, a gateway, a hope _

_ Just like a feeling inside, it's no joke _

_ And though it hurts me to see you this way _

_ Betrayed by words, I'd never heard, too hard to say _

Then, started a clip of their TIFF panel when the moderator had mentioned they had good chemistry, and Sebastian had joked that Sienna was horrible, and he hadn’t even realized it at the time, but he had touched her thigh when he said that. That little shit of an editor zoomed in on the gesture, then cut to Sienna’s reaction which was surprise, obviously, then cut to her saying she had written the script for him, looking decisively nervous and Sebastian looking like he had seen a ghost.

_ Up, down, turn around _

_ Please don't let me hit the ground _

_ Tonight I think I'll walk alone _

_ I'll find my soul as I go home _

The video cut back to the Oscars, it was the moment where she was getting interviewed on the red carpet, images of Sebastian looking at her from a distance like a creep, then him highjacking the interview, saying she looked good and her blushing at his comment.

_ Each way I turn, I know I'll always try _

_ To break this circle that's been placed around me _

_ From time to time, I find I've lost some need _

_ That was urgent to myself, I do believe _

It then cut to Sienna’s reaction when Sebastian had won. He had not realized she was crying when it happened, the cameraman who got his reaction really got a good shot of hers too.

_ Oh, you've got green eyes _

_ Oh, you've got blue eyes _

_ Oh, you've got grey eyes _

Then the part in his speech when he talked about her. Then a shot of Margo looking pissed as fuck in the audience. To her defense, she  _ did _ have a resting bitch face.

_ And I've never seen anyone quite like you before _

_ No, I've never met anyone quite like you before _

_ Bolts from above hurt the people down below _

_ People in this world, we have no place to go _

Then his reaction when she had own won, which he had not noticed was so, excessively over the top. Then, their hug, him holding her face, mouthing something that he knew was “we did it” but that could have been anything, then the part of her speech where she got actually emotional while thanking him, and a shot of his stupid face in the audience, watching her speak with both hands covering his mouth.

_ Oh, it's the last time _

_ Oh, I've never met anyone quite like you before _

_ Oh no, I've never met anyone quite like you before. _

Then the video ended and he looked at his friend, entirely unable to form a coherent sentence.

“Told you it was something!” Anthony joked.

“Fuck me! Who  _ is _ this editor, Spielberg?”

Anthony laughed. “It’s the internet man, don’t worry about it. Just make sure your girlfriend doesn’t see it.”

Sebastian stayed silent.   
  
“How is it going with you too anyway?” Anthony inquired, visibly concerned by his friend’s muteness.

“I don’t think it’s gonna come back man, taking a break… It confirmed my decision.” Sebastian answered.

“Yeah, you two kinda grew apart.”

“Exactly.”

“Are you gonna call that screenwriter? She’s cute.” Anthony said, then winked.

“What? I mean, I … I’m pretty sure she’s still with that boyfriend.”

“Pretty sure? Don’t you people talk?”

Sebastian brushed the comment off. He had the press tour to think about, the movie’s reception, Margo picking up some stuff at his apartment, so many things, so little time.

Yet, back home, he watched the video 5 more times. Sitting on his couch, his face lit only by the tiny screen in his hand, he opened his text conversation with Sienna, like he had done countless times in the past couple months, never actually writing anything. The last time they had written to each other was Oscar night and he thought it was absurd.

Not knowing what he expected to come out of this, he sent her the link, part of him simply looking for an excuse to talk to her. Then, overcome by anxiety, he dropped the phone on the couch and hopped in the shower.

SS: Have you seen this? *link*

When he came back, 15 minutes later, she had answered. He was reluctant to look. He didn’t know how he felt about all of this. He knew he liked her, liked her presence, liked talking to her. What he didn’t know was what all that actually meant and, more importantly, how  _ she  _ felt. 

S: Oh yeah, people send it to me  on the daily.

SS: It’s something, isn’t it?

  
S: The power of editing

SS: And of things we actually said.

She was taking for fucking ever (5 minutes) to reply back so he took matters in his hands.

SS: How’s life?

S: Not bad! Working on the  next script, broke up with  the bf, the usual.

He called her. That was a calling up matter.

“Hey! That sucks,”

“Hi! No, it hadn’t been going well for months, even years, but you know, the travelling back and forth for a year that was the… um… how do you say that,”

“The straw that broke the camel,” he suggested.

“What the actual fuck?”

“I know, it makes no sense.”

“None! At all. But yeah, it was the straw that broke the freaking camel I guess.”

“Shit, I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” She paused. Sebastian heard her taking one deep breath in, like she was gathering strength, and she said, “Hey, I’ll be in New York next month for a weekend.”

“What weekend?” Sebastian asked promptly.

“The 25th.”

“That’s perfect I’ll be done with the Press tour. We could go see a play, have dinner, watch _ The Apparition _ , take your mind off things.” He tried to stop but couldn’t, his excitement getting the best of him. She hadn’t even mentioned they should hang out, maybe she had a reason to go and actual plans, come on man.

“ _ The Apparition _ ?”

“My  _ other _ shitty horror movie. Might even be worse.”

“Oh my god, can’t wait.”

“Perfect. You’ll see, you’ll feel way better after.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Seb. I appreciate that.” she sounded sad, well, in fact, she sounded exhausted, and that pained him. She deserved to be happy, it was supposed to be really exciting times in her life. They hung up and he got on google, scrolling through what was coming up on Broadway.  
  



	8. The Weekend

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Sienna spends a weekend New York and she needs a place to stay.  
> Also, Jesse Eisenberg playing drinking games is a thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place in May 2019. Just after Infinity Wars Part 2 gets released.  
> It's the longest one, mostly domestic fluff.   
> AND, It gets NSFW towards the end.

**Sienna**

Sitting in the plane, her mind started racing. Of all the questions occupying her thoughts, the most prevailing one was: what did Sebastian expect? Part of her, the realistic part, knew he only wanted to help a friend out after she went through a breakup. Another part of her wanted to believe that he actually wanted to hang out with her. He could have said something like “yeah text me when you’re there” and never follow through. But Sebastian had sent her a screen cap of tickets he had bought for a play and a couple links of places they could have brunch at. If he planned on bailing out, he wasn’t doing a great job.

But there she was, overthinking it again. She knew she was falling for the guy. She had been for a while now, not sure exactly when it had occurred to her. The mere mention of his name made her stomach twist. She also knew it was entirely impossible he would ever reciprocate the feelings. There was an 8 years difference, she wasn’t hot or famous enough, and for all she knew, he was still with Margo. They had been together for a while now, probably getting engaged soon.

She browsed through the available movies on the flight, settling for _Superbad_ because it was always funny and she could use the distraction right about now.

The plan was, when she landed, she would go and drop her bags at her Airbnb, then call Sebastian. He had suggested they go grab dinner or watch a movie if she wasn’t too tired.

But life is rarely so simple, and, at the Airbnb, Sienna’s Airbnb, there was a lady already living there, who swore her contract only ended the next day. A minute long phone conversation with the very rude owner revealed there had been a mistake and, in fact, the apartment would only be available tomorrow.

“Fuck me.” Sienna mumbled to herself, standing on the porch, her bag in hand, as the lady was closing the door on her face.

It was getting late, booking another Airbnb would be impossible, so she’d have to try a couple hotels. But first, she called Sebastian to let him know, as they had planned.

“Hey! You’re settled in?” Sebastian asked as he picked up.

“Nah, there was a fuck up, there’s a lady in my Airbnb and I’m homeless.”

“Where you at?”

“Bedford and 10th.”

“I’m picking you up, you can sleep in my guest room tonight,” Sienna was about to protest when he added “And I won’t take no for an answer, seriously, it’s fine.” She was tired and the prospect of free lodging in NYC was always appealing, so she agreed. She was nonetheless wondering if Margo would be there, Sienna really didn’t feel like seeing her.

15 minutes later Sebastian showed up, on feet.

“I don’t think we have the same definition of picking up!” she joked.

“I live really close by! And it’s such a nice day out, I figured we could walk.” he answered, taking her bag from her and starting to walk.

“It’s great. I’ve been sitting for _hours_.”

“How long is the flight from Montreal?”

“Like… an hour and a half?”

Sebastian’s lips curled in a smile, which transformed into an honest laugh. His elbow brushed against hers, sending tiny electric shocks through her spine, making her regret she'd accepted his offer. She’d end up getting hurt for sure, and not in the good way.

Sienna noticed a paparazzi not to far.

“Isn’t bad if they take picture… of us?” she asked him, because she thought he probably did not need more rumours on top of all that was happening in his career right now.

“Bad? No, I don’t think there’s a ‘no walking in the streets with a friend’ close in my Marvel contract.” he answered with a wink.

 _Friends_ , good, that’s what it was. Good to know.

“So”, Sebastian started, “I'm thinking tonight, since you’re probably tired, we could stay in? Pizza and a movie kind of thing.” She loved the idea and shook her head yes.

“Good,” he continued. “And tomorrow, I have tickets to Jesse Eisenberg’s play and we could have a drink with them afterwards, if you want to.”

“Nice” Sienna answered, “I really wanted to see that one.” and that seemed to please him. He resumed, “And on Sunday, we could do whatever you feel like doing. I didn’t want to… you know, over plan. If you have friends you wanna visit or anything….”

He seemed kinda nervous, which Sienna thought was adorable. She assured him she’d tell him, but that, no, she didn’t have anybody to visit. They finally arrived at his (amazing) apartment in Brooklyn. He showed her to the guest room. “If you want to take a shower or something, you can.” he suggested. “I might.” Sienna answered, actually relieved because she felt like shit. What was it in airplanes that always made you feel like shit?

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

He really hoped the planning was not too much. He had no idea what she, or himself for that matter, expected out of that weekend. He was standing in the doorway or his guest room, suggesting she’d take a shower, immediately regretting it and hoping she didn’t think he meant something by it.

“Pizza?” he asked, and she agreed. “Then we can have a pyjama party.” that made her laugh, then her face changed and she let out a tiny gasp, “I completely forgot to pack clothes to sleep in.”

He wondered if that meant she slept naked, and promptly answered “I’m on it,” disappearing into his room to grab a couple of his bigger, more comfy tshirts, basketball shorts and a flannel button up so she’d have some options. She thanked him and hopped in the shower. He retired to the living room, ordered the best pizza in Brooklyn, opened a bottle of red and turned on Netflix on his huge ass TV.

She came out around 15 minutes later in his biggest t-shirt, the NASA one, with the flannel on top of it and, seemingly, no pants. He was not gonna lie, it looked h-o-t. She was scanning the room with her eyes, head tilted to one side, eyebrows furrowed, one hand fumbling at the her sleeve. Sebastian immediately saw how the scene must look to her. “Oh god,” he blurted out. “I just realized how creepy this all seems.”

She laughed and said “Very Netflix and chill.” and she sat at the other end of the couch, which somewhat eased up the tension. As he was pouring her a glass of wine, he figured they should acknowledge the reason of her trip, unlike they had done last time. So he asked her if she wanted to talk about “it”. After all, he _had_ invited her to cheer her up, they should at least mention the breakup.

She took a deep breath in, and started. “We always had our problems but since all this,” she gestured at nothing and everything around her at the same time, “The movie and all, we just got more and more distant. He kept saying I wasn’t giving him enough attention, and then the… hum…” and she stopped herself.

“The what?” Sebastian asked, feeling like he’d have to push a little to hear her say what had _really_ happened.

“Nah it’s nothing, he just… he had never been jealous, but all of a sudden he was.” she finally said.

Sebastian waited. He’d learned in acting school that if you wanted someone to talk, either in an interview or improv, you needed to stay silent. People always would feel the need to fill the silence and it worked. Everytime.

“You know, I had to go to LA often, and that was alright at first, but… I don’t know, he hated it when I was on set…” she continued.

“On set?” Sebastian asked, that seemed like the most harmless thing, standing in a room full of 100 people working. “Why?

“Oh hum… he didn’t like that I was giving lessons, the french lessons. That annoyed him.” she finally confessed.

Sebastian paused to think about this a little. He obviously was the only male actor that needed the lessons. Sienna’s boyfriend was jealous of _him_.

Now that he thought of it, his last fights with Margo had been about the rumours with Sienna. There had always been plenty rumours about them breaking up, or about the fact that Sebastian was a big ass flirt during interviews, but never an actual rumour involving an actual woman, not until that video about him and Sienna.

Only then did he understood that they both had played a key role in each other’s breakups and he felt like an idiot. Not only because it took him _forever_ to realize, but also because he just then realized that he never had told her he wasn’t with Margo anymore... And the doorbell rang.

“Pizza” Sebastian whispered, to himself, startled by the sound of his own voice. She got up to reach for her purse and he turned, propping his hand up, “Nope. Don’t even think about it girl.” Which brought back a smile on her face. Win.

They ate the pizza while watching _The Apparition_ , which also made Sienna laugh so hard she cried, mainly because of Sebastian’s freaking hair in that movie. It was horrible. When the credits started rolling, she had so many questions.

“Ok, but why? Why would they do that to your hair? Was it a wig? Oh god, tell me it was a wig.”

“No. I wish it was, but that was all me.” he answered.

“How? I need proof.”

He was trying to fix his hair the way it was in that movie, but he had a better haircut now, it was nearly impossible to recreate. Plus, that hairdresser would straighten it everyday, and slather it with tons of products.

“Let me,” Sienna said, pulling herself up on her knees and moving towards him. She was running her fingers through his hair, very focused on her task, her mouth half opened, tongue poking out, running mindlessly on her teeths. He took the opportunity to examine her face. He brown eyes, her long lashes, her freckles, he had never noticed she had freckles, her full lips...

She pulled back to admire her work of art and burst out laughing, so hard she covered her mouth with her hand. She let herself fall back on the couch and Sebastian could almost see under her shirt. _His shirt_. Focus.

She got back up again and said “Oh my god. It’s perfect. You have to take a picture.”

He looked at himself in his selfie camera and snorted. He did look ridiculous, all because she did an amazing job at recreating the look. He snapped a picture and showed it to her.  
She was still laughing about it when she noticed he had a N64 tangled under his TV. She got really, but like _really_ , excited about it.

“Oh my god, please, pleaaase tell me you have Mario Kart?” she asked. “Yes...” he answered, still surprised by how excited she had gotten.

“YES ohmygod can we play?”

“Sure, I’ll destroy you, but sure.” he said, pulling out his best duckface. He was really good at that game, it should be easy. Or so he thought.

She destroyed him, in the sense that she finished first and him 8th for about 10 races in a row. She was so proud, beaming, he almost forget how much of a sore loser he was.

“Fuck me,” he sighed. “Between this and the movie, not my night.”.

“Don’t worry, nobody ever beats me, you’re not alone. And you were actually not so bad.” she said. She was always so nice and reassuring. Like she knew that when he was making fun of himself, there was a little bit of truth behind it, just the tiniest speck of _real_  self doubt. 

With the wine gone and the sun threatening to rise, they both decided to go to bed with an awkward, a little too tight, goodnight hug. She fit perfectly under his chin, he thought.

As soon as he closed his bedroom door behind him, Sebastian let himself fall on his bed, and signed so loudly she probably heard him from the other side of the apartment. He rubbed a quick one before falling asleep, dreaming about dinosaurs and princesses.

 

*******

 

**Sienna**

When she woke up, she had to take a second to remind herself where she was. She got up, showered, got dressed and came out of her room to find a fresh coffee pot and a scribbled note that said “At the gym. I’ll be back around 9. There’s coffee. Seb Xx” And before she even had the time to put the piece of paper back down, Sebastian went through the front door with messy hair, wearing very laid back gym clothes. As soon as he saw her, he looked down at his shorts.

“You’re up?” he asked her, dropping his gym bag on the ground next to the door.

“I can go back to sleep if you-.” she started, playfully, but Sebastian cut her off.

“No! No, I just thought… You said you were not a morning person, I didn’t expect you to be up.”

She laughed. “Sorry to disappoint. How was the workout?”

“Fucking horrible. Are you hungry? I’m gonna take a quick shower and then I was going to make avocado toast.” he said.

“Take your time.” She reassured him. And before she knew it, she was sipping coffee, sitting at the kitchen counter, watching Sebastian make breakfast in sweatpants, talking about everything and nothing. What on earth was going on, she thought for herself. They ate the (amazing) avocado toast, rambling about the latest movies they’d seen and agreed on strolling in Brooklyn, then going to the MoMA later right before the play.

“The museum and the theatre?” Sienna said with her best english accent. “How so very upper class of us.”

“Well, I am Carter Baizen.” he answered.

“Another thing to add to the watching list.” she answered. And he winked.

He got changed (3 outfits in one morning, alright) into what seemed to be the official low key celebrity uniform of jeans, a t-shirt, a baseball cap and sunglasses. Which honestly did nothing to hide his obvious hotness. She felt like such a bland, boring thing next to his tall and broad frame. That “walking with a friend” line played back in her ears.

The first half of the day was spent walking on both their favorite streets. They had lunch in Brooklyn, then grabbed a coffee and got to this park Sienna loved that had a great view over Manhattan. They sat on a rock, eyes shielded by sunglasses, faces turned towards the sun, ice melting in the cups, leaving their hands damp.

If she wanted, she could have slowly lowered her head until it touched his shoulder. She would have let it rest there a little, hopefully he would have lowered his head unto hers. She could have, she was sitting close enough, but she did not know how he’d react, and that was terrifying.

“It must have been such a weird feeling coming to the US for the first time, and seeing this,” Sienna said, pensive. “Oh yeah. It was surreal.” Sebastian agreed.

“Tell me about childhood?” she asked him. Turning towards him, removing her sunglasses and placing them in her hair. “For real this time.”

He chuckled. “Alright,” he started, and the stories started pouring out of him, like he had been waiting for someone to listen to them. Stories about communism, about getting only a certain amount of bread and milk per day, quantity always being decreased, about having to always eat dinner before the sun went down, because the light was cut at 7 pm every night and his mom needed to practice her piano before it did.

Stories about getting on a boat, not even knowing to where, about eating a banana for the first time when he was 12, about being teased in high school because of his accent, about wanting to change his name to Christopher to fit in and refusing to speak romanian to his mom for years.

It was so far from her reality, yet she got it. Well some of it. She totally got the part about feeling like an outsider.

“God… that must have been so hard. But I assure you, high school is always horrible and terrifying, accent or not.” she suggested.

“Oh, I refuse to believe _you_ had a hard time in high school!” he said.

Sienna chuckled. “Seriously? What kind of girl do you think I was in high school?”

“I dunno, the popular girl that had like a milion friend?”

“Oh wow,” she paused. Did she really want to get into that? Oh, what the hell. “I was a tomboy. I was extremely shy and awkward. I was always writing terrible poetry and listening to emo music.”

“No.”

“Oh yeah. I was such a nervous kid,.”

“Oh god me too.” he agreed, shaking his head.

“I had really terrible anxiety it...” the rest was bad, she wasn’t sure if she should continue, but she figured she might as well be honest and transparent, as he had just been with her. “At one point, every morning before school, I’d be nauseous because I was so stressed out, and almost every morning, it was so bad I actually puked. For like 3 years.”

“Holy shit. Really? Why, what made you so nervous?”

“Speaking with people. Grades. Expectations. My sister, you’ve seen her at the Oscars, she’s autistic, and my parents were putting a lot of pressure on me, telling me she couldn’t and I could so I had to. Y’know?”

“I feel ya. When you’re an only child it’s a similar kind of pressure I think... How did you, like, overcome that?” he asked, concerned. He was sitting closer to her now, shielding her from the wind and the sun. She felt protected, surrounded, she felt good.

“One day I got tired of it, I felt like I was missing out, so I pushed myself outside of my comfort zone and… it sounds stupid but it changed my whole life. Every day now I do things that I would have never done and it always makes me proud...”

“That’s not stupid at all, it’s actually really impressive,” he said. “Thank you.” Sienna whispered.

“I didn’t know about your sister.” He continued.

“Yeah when you meet her you kinda think she’s just shy. But she really is completely amazing. She knows everything about movies, like _everything,_ it’s unbelievable, and she’s the nicest. She’s my favorite person in the whole world.” Every time she spoke about her sister, she tended to get emotional, so she stopped right there.

“She sounds great, and she’s lucky to have you. It sucked growing up alone. It was only me and my mom.”

“I can only imagine. You must love her a lot.”

“So much.” Sebastian said, looking down at the ground, running a small stick through the rocks and the sand, mindlessly drawing 8 figures.

“Wow,” Sienna said in a quiet chuckle. “We got real dark, real fast. Like, DC origin stories dark.” she said. And Sebastian burst out laughing.

“Yeah we did, and I kinda liked it.”

Soon, the coffee was gone and they made their way onto Manhattan for their visit at the MoMA. Strolling through the pieces, casually dropping some _serious_ art knowledge to each other, Sienna thought they must have looked really close. It made her wonder if he considered her as a friend, because she sure as hell did.

The play was coming up and there was no time for a real dinner. Sienna suggested grabbing a hot dog on the street before it, to Sebastian’s apparent satisfaction, so they did. They made it in time to the theatre and the curtain rose, Sebastian leaning into Sienna to whisper “Enjoy the play!”, before turning his gaze back towards the stage in expectation.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

The play was amazing. He really wished he’d have time to star in one soon, it reminded him how much he missed performing in front of an audience. Sienna also loved it. When it ended, they both went backstage to chat with the actors.

Sebastian wasn’t trying to show off, Sienna was probably impervious to that kind of stuff, being the daughter of a famous film director. No, he was friends with Jesse, had been since they had starred together in _The Education of Charlie Banks_ all these years ago. Even though they were very different on so many accounts, they had a similar sense of humour and had always stayed in contact, catching up when they had the chance.

Sebastian had tried all day to figure out a good way to introduce the fact that he was now single to Sienna without sounding too creepy. But slipping “Oh, by the way, not in a relationship anymore.” into a conversation proved harder than he thought it would be. He kept waiting for a good occasion.

They decided to all go have a drink together at the Bowery hotel with Jesse and two of his co stars. _A_ drink turned into _a lot_ of drinks, and a couple shots, and it was slowly, but surely, turning into more of a night out. Which was fine by him, plus, Sienna was clearly having a lot of fun too. She definitely knew out to work a crowd, she even suggested they should play a drinking game, which got everyone really excited.

“Hell yeah!” Sebastian said. “What kind of game?”

“Okay, let’s see. God I wish we could play beer pong… what about Never have I ever? Or most likely? Or… we could get a deck of cards… no that’s too complicated...” she said, thinking out loud.

“We have a pro here,” Jesse said, impressed.

“Oh, yeah.” Sienna answered, dead serious.

Sebastian had seen her play Mario Kart, he could only imagine she’d be the same if they played a drinking game like beer pong. He made a mental note of playing beer pong with her one day. Even though she’d probably win at that too...

They ended up choosing “Never have I ever” which was a dangerous game because it always revealed the most terrible things about everyone. Sebastian was starting to feel self conscious about the number of questions he was drinking at, all the crazy things he had done, but then again, Sienna had had her fair share of experiences. She drank at pretty racy questions, including doing things with someone of your own sex which made Sebastian wish the person who asked the question would have been more specific. It also made him feel equally guilty (for picturing it) and turned on (because, holy shit).

As people were going around, asking questions, Jesse turned around Sebastian, tilting his head so no one would hear him. “What’s the deal with that girl, Seb? Aren’t you still with Margo?” Sebastian glanced Sienna’s way, but she apparently did not hear. Ashamed at his own critical lack of subtlety, he said a little louder, “No, we broke up.” and it must have been more than a little because Jesse sprang backwards in surprise.

This time, Sienna heard. “What?” she asked. “You didn’t tell me, I… Seb! Fuck. I’m sorry. God we make a sad team.” She said, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

“Nah, we’re doing pretty good for ourselves I think. It was mutual and it was the right decision.” he reassured her.

She tilted her head to look him directly in the eyes. “You sure you’re okay?” she finally asked. “Yes.” he said, locking eyes with her, trying to seem as honest as he could because he was, he truly wasn’t sad about the breakup. Not one bit.

Now she knew. She knew he was single, and she was single too, and they were both in the best city in the world at the same time. The cruel reality was, she had slept at his house the day before, but now her Airbnb would be ready, she’d sleep there tonight. Sebastian felt something shift inside him.

Jesse cut the moment short by suggesting they should stop playing that game, and simply ask questions. Sienna opened with “If you could live in any city in the world, which one would it be?”

“Hey that’s my line.” Sebastian said. “Not anymore.” Sienna answered, winking.

Jesse said Paris, a girl picked London, the other said Vancouver. That one was surprising, he had never been. He really wanted to now. Sebastian’s answer was right here, in New York, and so was Sienna’s, as he already knew.

Vancouver girl (he wasn’t good with names) asked “Who was your childhood celebrity crush?” Sebastian’s was Sharon Stone, Sienna’s was a hockey player which made everybody laugh a lot. “ What? Ohhh, ‘cause I’m Canadian!”

Jesse asked, in his typical smug way, “What’s your move? And I wanna know the details. Seb, you start, and please don’t say you pull the Marvel card.”

“Can’t say I never did.” Sebastian started, his voice low. “Hum… Making them breakfast,”

“Go on,” Jesse prompted him.

“Alright. Well, I suggest brunch or staying in, and if they pick staying in, I’m like sit down, have some coffee, I’ll make you something amazing. It makes them happy and impressed.”  
Everyone laughed.

“Vanessa?” Jesse said, looking at his castmate. That was her name.

“I… oh God it’s embarrassing. I buy two shots, give one to the guy and when I drink mine, I purposely drop some on my tits and then I’m like OOPS and I clean it up with a napkin. Makes them look, and it always works!”

Sienna was next in the circle. “That’s too good. I, hum, I bring up Mario Kart, and I say I’d win if we played together.” Sebastian swallowed his beer so hard he almost choked on it.

“Really? And how does it work out?” Jesse asked.

“Makes them curious! They never believe me, so it’s a good excuse to see them again. And when we do play, and I do beat him, he’s impressed. Regular stuff.”

Sebastian looked at her. She wasn’t looking back, she was focused on the next person’s answer, which was something about compliments that were really insults. But he kept staring, searching for something, for validation that she did not just say that, that they both did not just stated, in front of each other, that their moves was something they both did in the last 24 hours.

She finally turned around, locked eyes with him and mouthed “What?” Sebastian answered by biting his lower lip, raising his eyebrows and shrugging. She rolled her eyes, pursing her lips in what could have been an attempt to conceal a smile, and turned her gaze back unto the group.

His face felt hot, his breathing was quicker than usual and his hands were sweaty. Perhaps it was time to stop for a second and think. Think about the fact that he thought she smelled good and had an amazing ass, or that he was always smiling when Sienna was around, or the fact that his heart started beating faster every time he saw her, or that when something good happened, he often felt like telling her.

His head was spinning with questions and revelations. He waited, examining her demeanour (he hoped he didn’t look like a fucking predator), and as soon as she yawned, he got closer to Sienna, took her left wrist into his hand, leaned down so his mouth was next to her ear and whispered “I’m kinda tired, wanna go home?”.

“Sure, but I have to go grab my bag at your apartment first, my Airbnb's ready.” She answered. “Yeah, fuck your Airbnb, you should just stay again tonight.” He suggested.

 

*******

 

**Sienna**

The whole way home in the cab, they stayed completely silent, and Sienna felt like she could burst in flames any second. She couldn’t know for sure that what she thought might happen would happen, but still, just the thought of it was sending tiny electric waves from the back of her neck, all the way down to her groin. Every time she glanced at him, sitting opposite her on the backseat of the Prius, he was looking out the window, shifting on his seat relentlessly, fingers tapping on the leather. It couldn’t be, but she felt like she could hear both their heartbeats.

The driver stopped in front of Sebastian apartment. They said faint thank yous and started walking towards the building. Leading the way right in front of her, Sebastian reached behind him, never looking back, and grabbed her hand. Sienna had to swallow hard and breath in deeply. She was feeling dizzy, a combination of the alcohol and the heat radiating through Sebastian’s hand around her own.

He let go of her hand, fuck, but only to open his building’s door, then shifted behind her, directing her inside by placing the same hand on the small of her back. Keeping it there, he brought them to the elevator and pressed the button. They were waiting for it to arrive, still in total silence, still not looking at each other. _Bing_

They got into the elevator, in the same way they just had gotten into the building, with him directing her inside, he pressed for his floor, and as soon as the doors closed, they looked at each other for the first time since the bar.

Sienna felt something twist at the bottom of her stomach and for a second, she couldn’t exhale. Sebastian’s hand reached out towards her, and the world around them, the time, everything, slowed down. He grabbed, like really _grabbed_ , her hip and pulled her in towards him, their mouths instantly crashing together in a rushed, messy, needy kiss that neither of them expected, really.

He was holding her firmly against his hard and warm body, one hand still on the hip, the other one tangled in her hair, pulling ever so slightly on it. Sienna realized both her hands were running up and down inside his t-shirt without ever knowing how they got there in the first place.

They broke the kiss when that same _Bing_ as earlier let them know they were at their destination. He rested his forehead on hers for a second, letting out a quiet “fuck” under his breath. He inhaled deeply, raising his head, their noses brushing together in the motion, looked her directly in the eyes and bit his lip again. Which was distracting, and a little obscene. That twist in her stomach was back. “Stop biting your lip I’m gonna fucking pass out.” Sienna whispered. “Please don’t” he answered, and they made their way towards his apartment door, him trying to shift in his jeans to ease out the tension, Sienna praying to the gods (all of them) that her knees wouldn’t give out before she’d make it there.

Once inside the apartment, the time that felt in slow-mo in the elevator suddenly went into fast forward mode and they both started rushingly undressing the other like the world was going to explode in a second. His bomber jacket was gone, thrown somewhere on the floor, then her coat joined in. She pulled his t-shirt up, and he looked at her with puppy eyes, asking for permission. Sienna smiled, kicked off her heels, her head falling exactly under his, which prompted something in him to pull her in and hug her really tight, his chin resting on the top of her head.

“Your hair smells so fucking good,” he said. “It always does”

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

He couldn’t tell, yet, if she wanted to be controlled or not. He liked being in control, he liked directing the movements, being a little rough, but did not want to do anything to make her feel uncomfortable. He was still hugging her, but she could probably feel his erection through his pants on her, and he could feel her heart beating fast, so he figured he’d try something. He pulled away from the embrace, still keeping her close, his hands on both her arms, and he looked at her, letting her make the first move.

She slid her left arm out of his grip, took his hand, and put it on the small of her back. Then, she pushed his hand with hers, moving forward, reducing the space between them, but stopping as soon as she released his hand. She cocked one eyebrow up in a suggestive look that meant “your move.”

She wanted _him_ in control then. Perfect.

In what couldn’t be much more than half a second, his right arm also found its way onto her back and he slid both hands down to her ass. He grabbed it, firmly, she made an approving noise, and he lift her up, her legs wrapping around his waist, arms meeting behind his neck.

Their mouths crashed onto one another again, noses brushing together, tongues exploring each other’s taste. He started making his way towards his bedroom, still carrying her, never breaking the breathless kiss. He stopped for a second right outside his bedroom door, pinning her back against the wall, and slowly easing her down. As soon as her feet touched the ground, he shoved a knee between her legs, lifting the skirt of her dress in the motion, and felt a scratch on his back from the hand that was under his shirt. The other one was in his hair, nails lightly scraping his scalp.

He still felt like she was holding back. He wanted to see where he could push her.

“I’m gonna fuck you real, real hard,” he started, and she looked at him lustfully with wide eyes, making his cock jerk with anticipation. “Like I should have a long time ago, on that table in my trailer. I really wanted to, so bad.” He could hear himself talking, but he was panting, his voice sounding so low, he almost did not recognize it.

“Y-Yeah?” she said, throwing her head back so he’d have more room to kiss her neck, run his teeth lightly along her jaw. He was still grabbing her ass, it felt so good under his hands he couldn’t bring himself to let go.

“Oh yeah. But I need you lying down for this.” Still kissing her full lips, of which he also couldn’t seem to get enough of, he led her to the bed and picked her up, easing her down on the mattress, over the covers. He got on top of her, realizing she was still in her dress and for a godawful reason he was still wearing his jeans.

“M’gonna need you to be naked too.”

“Make me.” she answered, tauntingly.

He removed the dress with one hand, lifting her up with the other so it’d be easier and as soon as she was only in her underwear, he had to let his head fall down, exhaling sharply. “Fuck you’re beautiful.” he told her.

“Come on.” She said, rolling her eyes, gesturing at him. Sebastian laughed, and kissed her again, his hands planted in the mattress, framing her face, his body hovering above hers. Her touch moved from his arms, right down to his belt and she started helping him get rid of his jeans. Thank God, because they felt really fucking tight in the crotch area.

Still on top of her, he fumbled with his left hand to remove her panties, all his weight resting on his right arm. She was wet and he was painfully hard, there was no way he could wait one more second. He reached for his condoms, put it on, and slid inside her. She moaned, throwing her head back, digging her nails into his shoulders a little deeper. She felt tight and fucking amazing around him, he wanted to go slow, take his time, make it last, but he was so turned on he didn’t know if he’d be able to.

“I wanna look at you,” he said, instantly shifting their positions, taking her in an effortless motion so she’d be on top of him.

Oh God that did not help at all. Her hair all messy, her lips parted, a little swollen from all the kisses, it was even more distracting. She rocked back and forth, back and forth on top of him, eyes closed, upper teeth sinking down in her lower lip. He was holding onto her hips for his dear life, his chin tilted so he could watch her.

He was so close, he needed to do something about it, so he moved them again, firmly laying her down on her stomach. Getting right behind her, he glided one arm under her hips to lift them up, grabbed her ass and shoved himself needily right back up inside her. And that, clearly, was her position. He could tell by the way she arched her back in pleasure at the sensation, and reached behind her with one hand to grab apparently anything, her grip eventually ending up his arm, her fingers tightly wrapped around it.

“Oh my god,” she whispered. “You like that?” he asked her, breathlessly. The view he had was amazing, seeing his hips crashing into her perfectly round ass again and again.

Her answer was unexpected, but very appreciated. “Harder,” she said. “Please”

So, harder it would be. He slid one hand around her throat in a possessive gesture and mumbled “I got you.” while repositioning himself to get ready.

He lowered his upper body so his chest touched her back, her hair brushing his cheek. He used the hand that was loosely around her neck to turn her face towards his and he kissed her. He kissed her hard and long and deep, while thrusting his hips ruthlessly, faster and faster. Then it was too much, his breaths becoming shorter, his moans louder and then, giving into the sensation, he came in blinding waves of pleasure and fell right next to her on the bed.

As soon as he came back to himself, he reached for her and brought her right on his chest, her head falling in the space between his shoulder and his neck. He held her tight, pressed a kiss on the top of her head and whispered “Jesus, fuck.”

“Yeah, jesus fuck indeed.” she said, twisting her head a little to kiss him on the neck. He wanted to see her face. He reached for her chin, tilting it up again, and said “You’re beautiful.” She buried her face in his chest. He heard a muffled “Thank you.”

He did not remember the last time he was so turned on by a person who also felt like… like home. It was a terrifying, exciting feeling that he only now realized he had been ignoring for a little while now. He sighed deeply, tightening his arms around her, and eventually fell asleep, cuddled, warm and happy.

 

*******

 

**Sienna**

Sienna woke up a little confused and a quite a bit hungover. She was alone in the bed, which smelled like Sebastian and like sex. It smelled like sex _with_ Sebastian. She checked the time, it was 8, she assumed he had gone to the gym. How he had managed to get up and go train with only about 3 hours of sleep in him was beyond her.

Panic started building up in her chest, her heart felt impossibly squeezed up, as if it were too big for the space available. What happened probably did not mean anything, it was probably only sex, and Sienna wondered how she felt about that.

She did like him, _a lot_ , she thought he was brilliant and talented and way funnier than he probably realized. Her mind started running, picturing every possible scenario. Would it be a one time thing and never happen again? That would be horrible. Would it be a regular fuck, back and forth from New York to Montreal once every few month? She did not know if she’d be able to do that, she’d keep expecting, wanting more, and it would probably hurt too much. Would it be more?

She barely could dare let herself think it might turn into something else, that their friendship could be melting into… _love_? That was a big ass word a few hours after a first kiss, but it hadn’t been the first moment where she had felt something between them. Still, it was way too early to put all these expectations onto whatever it was. Right now, she needed to pipe the fuck down and go fix this mess that was posing as her hair.

She entered the bathroom adjacent to Sebastian’s bedroom, placed her bag on the floor and stopped at her own reflection in the mirror. She looked positively wrecked. She brushed her hair, washed her face, did her best “no makeup” makeup and heard the bedroom door opened, startling her. “Sienna?” she heard Sebastian ask. She opened the bathroom door and peeked through the gap. “Hi,” she mumbled in an half smile. He returned hers with a huge, white grin and Sienna felt instantly reassured. “Be out in a sec,” she said, disappearing again in the bathroom.

She went back to the mirror, stared into her own eyes and whispered “Calm down, don’t fuck shit up, go with the flow.” picked up her things and went back in the bedroom again where she found Sebastian shirtless, in the midst of getting changed. He turned around when he heard the door, t-shirt in hand. “Did you sleep well?” he asked her.

Sienna sat down on the corner of the bed, looking at him as he was pulling his t-shirt over his head. “Yeah, you?” she asked, wondering why she was breathless from walking such a short distance and why she wasn’t able to speak loud, or in full sentences for that matter.

“Yeah,” Sebastian answered back, starting to walk towards the bed. Sienna felt like she was about to puke her heart out, and she would if it were humanly possible. He sat next to her and stayed there, in silence of a few extremely long seconds. She felt paralyzed, terrified that if she moved a muscle, she’d scare him away.

He eventually turned his face towards her, looking at her lips, licking his. Sienna’s heart simply stopped, in preparation for what was going to be her imminent death, no doubt. His head was hanging a little low, he looked at her through his eyelashes and sighed “Is it okay…” Sienna tipped her head to one side, a little bit confused and a huge amount aroused. He started, slowly, lifting his hand up, landing two fingers to lightly grab her chin. “Can I?” he said even lower, barely a whisper. She opened her mouth to say yes and before the three letter word could escape her lips, Sebastian kissed her, sliding his hand from her chin, to her jaw, finishing its course in the hair behind her head.

They kept going for a little while, the kissing going through waves of intense, almost aggressive passion, and of slow, soft pecks given through smiles, teeth knocking each other and noses getting in the way. Sienna hoped Sebastian wasn’t secretly a real superhero who could read minds because right now he’d hear nothing more than “holy shit holy fuck oh my god” over and over again. She pulled back to take a look at his face, and also to breathe, which was unfortunately necessary, even when one is kissing Sebastian Stan. “Good morning,” she said. “Good morning to you too,” he answered in a smile, taking her hands in his and lifting them up to his lips, softly kissing them. “What do you want to today? It’s raining.”

Oh yes. Sienna loved the rain, the sound, the smell, the unspoken promise of a lazy day. He probably saw it in her face, which was always so easy to read, and he said “Oh you like that, don’t you?”

“I love it when it rains. Plenty of things left to discover about me.” she answered, cocking an eyebrow, immediately regretting it, because it sounded like she assumed he’d want to discover more things about her, like she assumed there was a future there.

“I’d like that,” he started. “To discover more about you.” Sienna left her mouth parted in surprise and let out a quiet chuckle. Sebastian lowered his head and mumbled “God that was cheesy, wasn’t it?” Sienna laughed again, “Yes, yes it was.”

“I'll redeem myself. Brunch?” he said, getting up from the bed, still holding her hands. Brunch was always a good idea. 

Sitting on a table in the corner of the small covered courtyard filled with plants and disparate chairs, Sienna found herself wishing for a life like this one. The rain was making tiny droplet noises on the glass windows above their heads and the coffee was warm in her throat. The room was filled with people, but nothing mattered at all, as long as she was here and he was sitting in front of her, reading the menu with as much care as if it was a binding life contract.

They ordered, Sienna a simple lox bagel with fruits, Sebastian an intricate mix of proteins and greens and whatever Captain America would eat, she guessed. “I could never do that,” she started, gesturing at the plates. “I think even if I was paid millions, I’d be like ‘Thanks, but I really, really don’t want to go to the gym’.” Sebastian laughed. “Yeah, it’s the downside of it. But once you start, it eventually becomes easier, it’s part of my routine now.”

“What would you do if you were not acting?” she asked him, blowing on the hot liquid in the cup she was holding in front of her mouth with both hand, elbows resting on the table.

“I always liked writing. It’s always been part of my life, it comes and goes, kinda like an on and off relationship.” he answered, pensive.

Sienna’s excitement at his response got the best of her and she blurted out, “We should write something together.” and to her great, great relief, his eyes lit up. “You mean that?” he asked, almost a plea. “Of course, are you kidding?” she said in total disbelief. _Of course_ she meant it, writing was a great, but also very lonely experience that she’d always wished she could share with someone. If someone could be him, even better.

 

  
****** *****

 

**Sebastian**

He woke up early, as he always did, his internal clock pressing him to eat and work the fuck out, his morning routine for the past few years. He remembered in a flash the night before and smiled at the thought. Holy shit, it happened. And she was still there, sound asleep, her hair everywhere, her face calm and peaceful. She looked even younger, he thought. And he stayed like this, creepingly starting at her face for several minutes.

He eventually made his way to the gym, where after 0.1 second his trainer, Don, who had become one of his closest friends, noticed something was up. “Did you have sex or something Seb?”

“What? Why?” he asked, trying his best to seem innocent enough.

“You look, I don’t know, fucking chipper for a guy who’s lifting 150 pounds and sweating like a pig.”

Sebastian laughed, staying silent. “Come on man!” his friend pressed him. “Give me something!”

“You know, the screenwriter I told you about who-”

“Right about fucking time!” his trainer said, leaving Sebastian mid sentence and baffled.”It took you guys for fucking ever. You fucked her?” Sebastian could feel his face blush like a school boy. He didn’t know if it was more than sex for her. She had just gotten out of a very long relationship, she might have simply needed the affection. Plus, he had been the one initiating contact.

“We, hum, she’s staying at my place for the weekend.” he started.

“At your place? Holy shit Seb! What are you trying to do, marry the girl?” his trainer said in a loud chuckle.  
  
“Fuck off! She’s a friend and she needed a place to stay!” he explained, not sure why he felt the need to justify himself.

“Yeah, you’ve heard about hotels though? They exist. You totally had sex.”

“Yes.” Sebastian finally confessed.

“My man!” Don cheered, lifting his huge arm for a high five. Sebastian stared at it with disapproving eyes, but eventually gave in, slapping the offered hand nonchalantly. “I actually think I like her.” he said, hesitating.

Don’s eyes widened with surprise. “ _Like her_ like her?” he asked. “Shit man! I didn’t think... That’s actually awesome.”

“Yeah, we’ll see where it goes tough.” Sebastian said, a huge dumb smile creeping up on his face. He really, truly did not know where it would go. They did not live in the same town, in the same fucking country even, and she might not be up for all the things dating an actor meant. The fans, the attention, the hate, but also the working schedule. He knew that, more often than not, he might be away for months at the time… But he was skipping steps. Let’s not count the eggs before they hatch.

The workout was eventually over and he came back to his apartment, directly going for his bedroom where he left her earlier. For a second, he thought she might have left, but she was in the bathroom, to his relief. He wanted to kiss her, to kiss the awkwardness, the weird tension and all the questions way, so he did, and she kissed him back with accepting lips and glossy eyes.

They were having breakfast together at one of his favorite spots, talking about life between bites and sips of overly expensive coffee. She had suggested they should write something together. He had never, ever thought he’d ever find someone to share this passion of his with and that was exciting.

They had a couple hours left before he had to drop her off at the airport and he really did not want to do that. It was too soon, they did not have had remotely enough time together. There were so many unanswered questions, so many doubts and fears, his heart felt heavy. They strolled around a pop up shop in Brooklyn, shoulders bumping and hands brushing as they were reaching for makeup bags with clever messages written on it or awesome sunglasses.

He bought a pair for himself, because you can never have enough blue mirrored sunglasses, and fought with Sienna for about 5 minutes because she wouldn’t let him buy one for her. He eventually bought her a dark blue raincoat lined with bright orange while she wasn’t looking. He did it because it was still raining and he didn’t want her to catch a cold, and because it was awesome and he thought she’d look cute in it.

Once they were outside, he pulled her aside, away from everyone, and took the coat out. She looked at him with wide eyes. “For Me? No! Sebastian! I said I did not--”

He moved behind her, holding the jacket, and she stopped talking, putting her arms in the sleeves. When she turned, her expression softened as she saw his face. He fixed her collar, lifted the hood up to place it on her head and, still holding on to it, he felt a little ball of emotion creep up in his throat. So he stayed there a little longer than he should, right until it went away. He was not gonna cry over a fucking raincoat in the middle of Williamsburg, not today.

“Thank you that’s so… thank you.” she said softly. “You’re welcome,” he finally managed to get out. “You look great.”

She pursed her lips and added “I always do.” with her usual brand of witty insolence. Sebastian shook his head and laughed. “Come on,” he said, grabbing her hand to direct her towards his car.

They had already put her bag in the trunk and it was time to go to the airport. The car ride was filled with tension and implied emotions. He was concentrating on the road, letting her choose the music, an honor he didn’t grant to many people. She flipped through his iTunes library for a little while, eventually settling on New Order, intentionally choosing the song that was on that youtube video.

He turned his face to look at her with an accomplice look. She smiled in return and reached out to grab his hand that was resting on the console between the seats. He looked at her once more, but she was looking out her window, forehead resting on the glass.

When they got to the airport, he parked the car and got out with her, ignoring her protests. He stayed with her as long as he could, and right before she had to go through security, they stopped to properly say goodbye. He wanted to see her again, but he did not know how to ask, what to say, what not to say, it was confusing as shit and overwhelming.

“So,” she started. And they both laughed at the infinite amount of questions that two letter word implied. “Yeah, so,” he said. “I had a great time.”

“Me too.” she agreed.

“I, hum, would you… jesus.” he stopped a second to recollect his thoughts. “When can I see you again, is what I am trying to say.”

“Seb-” she started and he stopped her instantly. “No, don’t worry about it, I understand.” he said looking down.

She laughed. “No, nope. Not at all. I was gonna say, as soon as you want to.” Oh, that went better than expected. He smiled and hugged her, tight. He knew better than to kiss her, people would probably take pictures and his publicist would _murder_ him.

They said their goodbyes and agreed on planning another weekend soon, but he would come to her this time. He turned to leave, said a low “Fuck it” and turned right back around, grabbing her by the waist and kissing her. She let out a surprised noise before giving in to the embrace. He thought he heard the shutter noise of a camera, but he couldn’t have cared any less.

“The pictures.” she said. “Who cares.” he answered. “Not me,” she replied, and kissed him again, softly. She had to be on her tippy toes to kiss him and he thought that was the cutest thing ever. “Call me when you land.” he pleaded in a breath. “Yes.” she simply added, and she disappeared through the glass doors, turning once more to wave goodbye.

“Fuck, shit. Fuck.” he mumbled to himself all the way to his car, a smile as big as he could manage stuck on his face.

 


	9. What do we do now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The title is pretty self explanatory.  
> Also, it’s a lot of fluffy fluff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place during the summer of 2019 in many places.  
> It's the last chapter before the tiny epilogue!  
> If you've made it this far, thank you, I love you.

**Sienna**

“I don’t know!” Sienna told her friend Fanny for the 6th time in a row, laying down on her stomach on their living room floor, her face buried in a fluffy pillow. They had moved in together when Sienna had broken up with her boyfriend. “Oh my god, you’re hopeless.” her friend said. “Sit up, and talk to me.”

Sienna let out a long, loud sigh that was closer to a groan, pulling herself up heavily, pressing her back to her couch, holding on tight to the pillow, arms crossed over it. “I don’t even know what to say Fanny.”

“Start at the beginning.” she suggested.

“There was a fuck up with my Airbnb so I ended up staying at his apartment.” Sienna started. “No way.” her friend gasped.

“Yes. That happened,” she continued. “We ordered a pizza and watched a movie, then we played Mario Kart and talked for a while.”

“That’s so cute I’m gonna be sick.”

“Please don’t be. So, the next day, it was ridiculous. We hung out in Brooklyn, talked about life, we went to the museum and then we went to see Jesse Eisenberg’s play-”

“Who?” he friend interrupted. Sienna rolled her eyes. “He’s an actor. Anyways, we did that, then we went to a bar with the actors, and I got a little drunk and one thing led to another, we went back to his house and we started making out in the elevator.”

“Holy shit,” Fanny said. “Did you have sex?”

Sienna shook her head yes, covering her face with the pillow. Her friend opened her mouth in surprise. “And how was it?”

“Perfect and stupid.” Sienna answered. “Good combo, keep going.” her friend commanded.

“Hum. The next morning, we had brunch in a really cool place, I have to take you there sometime, then we hung out in a pop up shop in Brooklyn, and he bought me that coat,” she said, gesturing at the jacket hanging in their entrance, “And he gave me a lift to the airport and he walked me to the gate and he kissed me in the middle of the fucking airport.”

“Yeah, I saw the pictures. Instagram hates your gut.”

“I know, I read the comments. I also have about 2000 new followers, can you believe that.”

“But what does it mean?” her friend asked, pensive. Or was it concerned? Sienna couldn’t say for sure.

“I really don’t know. I’ll wait and see I guess. Oh god, I feel like I’m gonna puke, is that normal?”

Fanny laughed, shuffled to sit next to Sienna and putting a comforting arm over her shoulders. “You’ll be fine girl. My opinion is: if he likes you, he’s gonna do something about it. Guys are really straightforward from what I remember, you’ll know pretty quickly.”

“You’re right. Fuck. It had been a while.” Sienna confessed. What she felt for him was new and uncertain, but also seemed so natural, like it had been there forever. They were so alike on so many levels, on the levels that mattered. Same humour, same passions, same values, same priorities. Same world, same dreams, same love for black and white movies, coffee and desserts.

“I should call him. I told him I would when I landed.” Sienna said. “Do it!” Fanny pressed her. “I’m gonna go in my room and carve my eyes out, you guys are so disgustingly cute.”

Sienna flipped her friend off, blowing a kiss to her at the same time. A best friend is never truly a best friend if you don’t want to rip their heads off sometimes.

She called him, her mind going blank as it was ringing once, twice, three times, and on the fourth, Sebastian picked up.

“Hi there!” he said, sounding a little sleepy.

“Oh no did I wake you up?” she asked him.

“No, no. I was watching TV.”

“What were you watching?” she inquired.

“I was watching… hum,” Sienna could hear the hesitation in his voice. “I was watching _The Nightmare Before Christmas_? I don’t know why, I saw it on Netflix and I felt like it.”

Sienna threw her head back, letting her iPhone fall on her thigh. That was one of her all time favorite movies, it had been for as long as she could remember. “Fuck you’re perfect.” she mumbled under her breath, then picked the phone back up.

“What?” Sebastian asked from the other end of the line.

“Nothing.” she mumbled.

Sebastian laughed. He probably had heard her the first time. “D’you like that movie?” he asked her.

“Yes I do. I love it, it’s my first favorite movie, when I was like 5.”

“Were you watching Tim Burton creepy movies instead of Disney movies when you were young? Were you _that_ child?”   
  
“No!” Sienna started in a loud chuckle. “Well, kinda. I did love Tim Burton and creepy things, but I _also_ watched all the Disney movies. I’m not _that_ weird.” she answered.

“Which one was your favorite?” he asked her.

“I had phases, but I loved The Little Mermaid, and then I was obsessed with Aladdin. As in, it was a problem.”

“Aladdin was my favorite too. That’s funny.” he said, quietly.

“Told you, great minds think alike.” she started. “Who was your favorite princess?” she added, playfully. She always believed your first Disney crush told a lot about what attracted you in someone else.

“Oh, easily Jasmine” Sebastian answered. “You?”

“Princess? Belle, for sure.”

“Oh right, she was cool. But favorite prince?”

“Eric, no fucking contest.”

Sebastian laughed. Sienna knew people told him he looked like prince Eric all the time. Subtlety was not her forte, at all. She quickly changed the subject and they rambled on and on for another hour, Fanny sometime passing through, fetching herself a glass of water in the kitchen, mouthing “You’re still talking to him?” in disbelief and Sienna waving her away.

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

He was crashed on his couch, fumbling mindlessly at the label of his bottle of water with one hand, holding his iPhone to his ear with the other. He had been talking with Sienna for over an hour now and it was getting pretty late. 

“I’m gonna let you go to sleep,” he started. “But I have a question, I, hum.” He cleared his throat, trying to compose a fully formed sentence, for once.   
  
“Yeah?” Sienna asked, sounding a little apprehensive.

“In two weeks, do you have a weekend off? I’d come to Montreal, if you want to.” he closed his eyes, dropping the plastic bottle to pinch the bridge of his nose with two fingers. He sounded so dumb. Why did he sound so fucking dumb?

“In two weeks… wait a sec,” she said, and he could hear paper rumbling. She was looking through her agenda. A paper agenda, that was adorable. “In two weeks I have absolutely nothing planned from Wednesday to the next Monday.” she confirmed.

Sebastian wondered if that meant she’d want him to come the whole time. That would be… 6 days potentially. “Great,” he managed to say, pausing a little before resuming his sentence. “It’s great. ‘Cause after that we start filming Cap, and I’m gonna…” _miss you_ , he wanted to say, but he ended up with “be filming all the time.”

It was going to be a 3 months long, very intense shoot, mostly in LA, but also in Georgia and in London. It was his first _ever_ movie as the main character and _any_ role that important would have been stressful, but he was going to be Captain America and that was on a whole other level. He heard her swallow before she started talking again. “Yes that’s true! You must be so excited. When will you be shooting?”

“From july to september. Can you believe I’ll be in London for my birthday.” he said. He was genuinely sad about that. He was never not with his family for his birthday, he had been lucky up to now, filming schedules always worked out, but not this time. He’d turn 37, _fuck_ , alone in London.

“Wait, shit, I never asked, when is your birthday?” Sienna asked him. Wow, they had never talked about this, he did not know when hers was, and that was absurd. “August 13, you?” he answered. “The ninth. August 9th.” she answered in a chuckle.

Yeah, that seemed about right, _of course_ they would have almost the same birthday. Jesus christ.

They laughed about that, saying Leos were the best people in the world, even though they both had no clue what on earth did it mean. “I think we’re creative?” she suggested. “No, no we’re strong. I… I don’t know what being a leo means, but it’s awesome.” she finally conceded.

They eventually hung up, another half hour later, and Sebastian found himself on google checking out what to do in Montreal instead of going to bed. Even though Sienna had explicitly said that _she_ would take care of planning out their time in her hometown and that _she_ would choose the restaurants. He ended up browsing through Airbnbs, if he was coming to Montreal for 6 days, he was not going to sleep in a hotel while Sienna would stay with her roommate, not a tiny fucking chance.

Was that too forward? Probably, but he didn’t care. She’d have the option of bunking up with him if she’d want to, and that was enough to convince Sebastian. He found a cool looking place, made a request to the owner, and eventually did go to bed.

A couple days later, he had an email from Airbnb saying the request had gone through and that it was booked. He texted her the link.

SS: What do you think bout this one?

S: Good choice! It’s a great neighbourhood.

SS: So you like it?

S: Yes! It’s beautiful.

SS: Perfect, cause I booked it. And I’d like you to come stay there with me for the weekend. IF you want to.

S: Yes, sure!

SS: Good :)

S: You come in on wednesday?

SS: Yeah at 1pm, and I leave monday at 8pm.

S: That’s great :) I booked so many restaurants, we don’t have to go to all of them.

SS: Hahaha we might! I heard Montreal is famous for the food.

S: Who told you that?

SS: Some random girl I met.

S: She sounds amazeballs

SS: 1. I’m stealing that from you,

2\. She is amazeballs.

S: Told ya.

SS: I can’t wait to see you.

And then silence ensued for 10 whole minutes during Sebastian had the time to freak out, and re-evaluate his whole life. When in doubt, humour.

SS: I’ll see myself out.

S: LOL oh god please don’t. I got a call. I can’t wait to see you too :)

SS: Too late. I CAN wait now.

S: You’re dumb.

S: Jerk.

SS: Punk. (for lack of better words)

S: It’s good enough. Goodnight Seb! I’ll talk to you soon.

SS: Yes :) sleep tight.

Okay, that went well enough, he thought. She was planning activities too, she had agreed to “live” with him for the few days they’d have together, it was good.

 

*******

 

**Sienna**

She was waiting at the airport gate with a tiny cardboard sign with “Captain America” written on it with sharpie. It was dumb, but she figured he’d find it funny. She hoped. When she saw him coming in in the distance, his bag rolling behind him, she lifted the sign discreetly. As soon as he went through the glass doors, they locked eyes and not the baseball cap, nor the sunglasses could hide his huge grin as he lowered in head in laughter.

“Really! Jesus christ, Sienna.” he said, sliding an arm over her shoulders. He pressed a small kiss on her temple and they started walking towards the parking lot. Getting stopped nothing short of 6 times for pictures.

Sienna popped in the Airbnb address in her phone and as she put her feet on the break to put her car in driving mode, Sebastian stopped her, putting one hand on her right arm. “Wait.” he said, then he moved towards her, grabbed her face with both hands, murmured a quiet “Hi.” and leaned in to kiss her. “Yeah, good idea not to do that while I’m driving.” she joked.

At the apartment, Sienna was baffled by the place, the pictures on the website really didn’t do it any justice. They were settling in, unpacking, and she was so happy we was there. It had only been about two weeks, but she _had_ missed him. She wondered if he did too. He was putting his clothes (how many black t-shirt can one man own?) in the drawers and Sienna dropped what she was doing to go stand behind him. She let her face fall in between his shoulder blades, and she slid her arms around his stomach. She closed her eyes, kinda horrified that she had done that. She felt so vulnerable and small, her heart was racing.

He covered her hands with his and turned around to face her. She couldn’t look up at his face, terrified she’d either start crying or she that she'd give an Independence Day speech about how great he was and how she… _loved_ him.

He eventually broke the silence, “You’re okay baby?” He said, also managing to break _her_ with the same sentence. _Baby_ . He had just called her _baby._ She was about ready to melt into the goddam concrete floor.  “Yeah. I’m glad you’re here, that’s all.” she said. He agreed, he was also glad. He said it with words, and with a needy kiss that sent shivers up and down Sienna’s spine, setting her on fire. They undressed each other slowly, kissing every inch of skin, touching every plane and curve of their bodies. The wait had been long, but that made it worth the while.

They started having sex on the bed, but somehow ended up falling on the floor in a pool of pillows and tangled sheets, knocking the alarm clock on their way there. Who the fuck still used an alarm clock anyways?

 

*******

 

**Sebastian**

Montreal was a great city in itself, but Montreal with Sienna, it was fucking amazing. She took him everywhere, from museums to cocktail bars, and even to a really cool street art festival. And the food. _God_ , the food was ridiculous. On the first night she took him to a foie gras place that almost made him cry it was so good. The day after they had wine and cheeses on a long table in a backyard under a sky of lanterns and it was magical.

The whole week was a succession of laughs and food and drinks and sex. But also of stolen kisses on the streets, deep conversations, comfortable silences and coffees in the apartment, sitting with their backs pressed together, reading or writing.

It passed in a flash. When it was actually Monday, actually time to go back home, they simply _had_ to talk about it and Sebastian had dreaded this moment. That was usually the moment where things tended to go south, and it had been such a freaking _perfect_ 6 days…

They were packing, cleaning up a little, an 80s music playlist filling up the air. Sebastian was cleaning the leftover dishes and he stopped halfway, grabbing his phone to hit pause on the music. She turned towards him, confused, but she was smart, she instantly recognized the look on his face. She also dropped what she was doing and she sat on the couch, where he joined her.

“We need to talk about this?” she asked, a hint of a smile briefly appearing before it faded as quickly as it came.

“We need to talk about this.” he agreed.

“Okay, but what is _this_.” she asked, bluntly, her hand waving between them. And that was the million dollar question.

“ _This_ is fun, and great, and exciting, and I wish we’d stop calling it _this.”_

 _“_ How about _us?”_ she suggested, and he liked that. He shook his head yes. “Okay so, _us,_ is fun, Seb. I really lo- like spending time with you, we don’t have to say exactly what we are, we can still go with the flow and see where it goes.”

“That’s the thing,” he started, his voice sounding just a tiny bit too strangled to his liking. “There’s nothing I’d like more… But I’m gonna be away for 3 months… Then I have promo for my last movie, and then a month in Africa for _Black Panther 2_ … Next time I’ll really be home for more than a couple days will be in… Shit, in November.”

“November…” Sienna said, thinking out loud. “That’s in almost 6 months. I…”

Her eyes were wet. He felt his throat burning. This fucking _sucked_ . Could he really do that? Only see her, what, 3 or 4 times _a year_ , only for a couple days… “I understand Sienna, I really do… I can’t ask you to wait around all the time, I-” she lifted one hand up to stop him, looking almost disgusted, avoiding eye contact.

Sebastian felt a little wave of panic rising in his belly. “No. _Oh god,_ no that’s not what I meant-”

“Please stop.” she said in a breath. “Please. Look, it’s okay, I don’t want to be a burden, I really don’t want to be the girl who _waits around_ all the time.”

He felt like he weighed 3 tons. He ran a hand on his face and exhaled sharply. “No, no, no. That’s not what you are, that would _never_ be you Sienna. We can try? Can we please try?” She smiled. Thank god.

“I… I know I’m not technically part of your world Seb. I’m not a actress or anything, but I still get it. My dad has told me enough stories and I’ve met enough people to know that sometimes the only option is seeing each other when we can and living our lives separately the rest of the time.” She stopped, he gave her an approving nod, it was true, a lot of Hollywood couples, secret and not, did that. “I can _try_ ,” she resumed. “If that’s what you want too, we could try.”

And even though this was good news, it still felt sad. He knew he would try his best, but he also knew what was coming and that was months of him being so busy he’d barely have time to sleep. He felt bad for imposing that on her, on them.

These goodbyes felt much less happy than the last ones in New York. These felt a little more heart breaking, probably because they both had no clue when they would see each other again.

 

* ******

 

**Sienna**

On her way back from the airport, Sienna cried, tears running down her face all the way to her chest, her body shaking through the sobs, so much so that she had to stop her car on the side of the road. “Jesus fucking christ, get it together.” she said to herself. But every time tears would stop, the emotions would come right back, stronger than before. When she was all cried out and managed to make her way home, she burst into her apartment, finding Fanny sitting on their couch. Sienna joined her friend, letting her head fall on her lap, and cried herself to sleep right there, Fanny’s hand running through her hair.

The rest of June was boring and bland. Then came July, and July in Montreal was horrible. It was hot, and humid, and sweaty and loud and stinky and… and it could use a _lot_ more Sebastian and a _lot_ less not knowing.

As soon as Sebastian had left Montreal, they had done a valiant effort of talking as often as they could. He would call her every night after filming, he’d tell her about how his day had gone, she’d do the same, they’d laugh and fall asleep with their warm iPhones pressed to their ears.

But that was when he was filming in Georgia, eventually the movie took him to LA, where there was a slight time difference that made it that much harder to communicate. He’d wake up when she had already started her day and be done when it was time for her to go to bed, so phone conversations started getting shorter, they relied more on texting.

August came around and the hours of silence slowly turned into days, they’d speak once or twice a week. When she had accepted to try that “seeing each other when we can” situation, she had known it would be hard, but she would have never guessed _that_ hard. Not talking to him was intolerable. Not seeing him, touching him, feeling him, even worse.

After having one too many text left unanswered for a little too long, she decided she’d let him come to her most of the time. She hated the “game”, but he was busier than she was, she figured it was fair enough that he reached out when he could.

On the Wednesday of the first week of August, she knew he had a big filming day that would end with a huge party. They were wrapping the LA team and taking the rest of shoot to London. Sienna was in her apartment, watching TV with Fanny. They were catching up on _Breaking Bad_ , both had missed the boat all these years ago. Better late than never.

The light on her phone blinked, she saw 3 messages from Sebastian pop up back to back. Fanny looked at her with curious, sleepy eyes. It was around 2 am, which meant 11pm for Sebastian, late, but not that late. Sienna opened the messages.

SS: This party sucks

SS: Mackie is pissed drunk

SS: I wish you were here!

Sienna sighed. It pained her. She wished she was there too. She wished it was different and that they could have a real, normal, realistic shot at this. It was unfair. The worst thing was, if he had suggested it, she’d be on a plane right now to be with him. She’d would have followed him anywhere, if only he had wanted the same thing.

She thought about not answering. Then the three little dots appeared on screen, he was writing something. They disappeared as quickly as they came, only to come back. That went on a couple more times, until he finally sent it what he had been trying to, and what she read worried her a little.

SS: It’s hard Sienna. It sucks. I miss you and I hate this.

SS: I know you’re probably sleeping but I really wish you were here right now.

S: Hey! I’m awake. You okay?

SS: Can I call you? I need to hear your voice.

S: Yes

A little over a minute after, Sienna’s phone buzzed. She picked up on the first ring, not caring remotely about seeming “busy” or whatever. On the other end of the line, Sebastian’s hello sounded shaky.

“Seb. Are you okay?” she pressed him.

“Yeah, no. Not really. I’m sorry,” he started. She almost didn’t recognize his voice, it was hoarse, strangled even. “I’m just so fucking tired,”

Silence.

“And I miss you…” he confessed in a breath.

Sienna closed her eyes as if it would make her stronger, more courageous. “I miss you too. I wish I could see you right now.”

She heard him sigh loudly, a faint beat playing in the background. He was outside. “I’m so sorry… I hate my job.”

“No you don’t, you love your job.” Sienna said.

“Yeah, but I lo-” Sebastian stopped his sentence right there, and so did Sienna’s heart. If she didn’t know any better, she’d think he was about to say “But I love _you_ more.” but that was ridiculous and impossible.

“I do love my job,” he resumed, “But it’s taking up all my social life! What about time for me, to be with my friends, my family… With you.”

“I know, trust me, I know. It’s okay Seb, don’t worry about me.”

“But it’s your birthday next Friday. And I can’t even be there.”

Sienna smiled at the thought that he knew the exact day when her birthday was. “You’ll be in London! I’m jealous.” Sienna said, trying to sound positive. “You can go have a pint at my favorite pub, it’s the next best thing.”

He chuckled, though without much conviction. “Yeah, not the same.”

Nope, he was right. She tried her best at lifting his spirits and he eventually agreed to go back to his party and try to have fun. He texted her again simply to say thank you, and that was the slim consolation in this shitty, shitty situation, that she had managed to make him feel better for that night.

A little over a week after, Sienna was out with friends for her 29th, _fuck_ , birthday. They were all dressed up, ready to take the town. They made their way to their favorite bar, where the music was good and the bartenders wore bow ties, where the DJ actually played requests and they used Hendrick’s for their gin & tonic without you having to ask for it.

She was having so much fun, dancing with her best friends in the world. Sebastian texted her. She stopped in the middle of the dance floor to read it.

_Happy birthday Punk. I hope you’re enjoying yourself with all of your friends! I saw the picture on instagram you look fucking beautiful. You deserve everything you want for your 15th birthday (that’s it, right?). You’re such a great person and a brilliant writer and you make me laugh. This shoot is hard, but knowing I get to see you in a couple months makes it easier… SO, I’ll stop rambling and I’ll let you get back to your G &T and whatever top 40 song a douchebag in a tank top is playing on his Macbook right now. Enjoy your night, 29 is a great year, I know you’ll do amazing things, hopefully I’ll get to be part of it. Xx _

Fanny apparently saw the pain in Sienna’s face, hell, she could feel her eyes filling up with tears. Her friend brought two shots of Jäger, holding one up to Sienna. “Come on babe, enjoy your night, we’ll deal with this tomorrow.”

So Sienna did, swallowing the Jäger, washing back the tears. She ended up having a lot of fun and, later that night, when she fell on her bed, still wearing her heels, she made a decision she knew she might regret but, fuck it, how she was feeling right now was worst than any other options.

 

***

 

**Sebastian**

It was Tuesday. It was his birthday and he was going to spend it alone. Sure, Mackie was there, but no one else was. Not his mom, not his best friends, no Chace, no Will… and no Sienna. And all of it sucked.

Earlier that week it had been Sienna’s birthday. He had tried to call to tell her happy birthday but his filming schedule and the time difference from London to Montreal made it impossible. He ended up settling for a long text message in which he poured his heart out. She responded with a simple: “Thank you! I hope you’re doing well :)”

Fuck, that was cold.

It was so fucking hard being apart, that’s not how relationships were supposed to start. If it would ever be a relationship. The scariest part was knowing it might never get to that point, that they might not get a real shot at happiness because of his stupid fucking _job._ And now, he was alone in yet another hotel room, for his birthday. The crew had brought a huge ass cake on set and they were planning a night out next weekend, everyone had texted him, called him, but it wasn’t the same. Not even fucking close.

And worst of all, he hadn’t heard from Sienna all day. But he thought he understood why. If she felt something similar to what he was feeling, he knew that the false hope and constant questioning hurt more than silence. Or she simply realized she wasn’t really into him and his stupid lifestyle, his dumb obsessions with really specific things and the fact that he had to speak to his therapist every week at the same time. He was a piece of work and she deserved better.

His phone buzzed, it was a text from Mackie asking him if he was in his room. “Yes” Sebastian answered, and the response he got was “Good. Stay there, don’t ask why.” He rolled his eyes in annoyance and dropped on the couch, turning on the tv. He opted to watch some _The Wire_ rerun on HBO (mentally thanking his agent for always asking he’d get good TV) and a little later, he heard a knock on his hotel door.

He really did not want to see anyone right now, not even Mackie. He felt like he could burst into tears any second and he’d rather do that _alone_. He still got up, unwillingly, reached for the doorknob and, in a loud sigh, said “What the fuck Mack-” as he was turning it. The door opened and Sebastian stopped mid sentence, paralyzed.

Sienna was standing in the doorway, looking nervous and febrile.  “Happy birthday.” she whispered, twisting her lips in a tiny smile.

Sebastian’s shoulders dropped as he exhaled a long shaky breath. “Oh my god, Sienna,” he managed to say, fighting back the tears. “You’re here.” He only had to take one step forward to kiss her and as soon as their mouths collided, a crushing wave of emotions overcame him. At that moment, he knew. He knew he never, ever wanted to be apart from her, not once more, not ever.

He let himself get swallowed up in the moment, kissing her again and again, letting out tiny moans and sighs. He took her bag from her hand, never breaking the kiss, dropped it somewhere in the room and closed the door behind her. He took his mouth to her neck, nuzzling it, burying his face in her hair, his hands running everywhere on her body, as if she could vanish in thin air any second and he had to seize the moment while it lasted.

He wanted to feel close to her, as close as it was humanly possible. He lift her up and brought her to the couch, where he placed her in the tiniest corner, her legs wrapped around his hips, sitting on his thighs. “Fuck,” he let out, cradling her head with both hands, locking her gaze with his own. “I missed you so fucking much.” he finally said, surprised by his own revelation, but she deserved honesty and the truth and the truth was, he had missed her every waking second of the past two months and this was way overdue.

“I missed you too, you asshole.” she confessed, closing her eyes and letting her forehead rest on Sebastian’s.    
  
“I can’t believe you’re here. I’m so, so sorry. I got scared I thought-” _I thought you’d never want all of this, I was terrified I’d disappoint you, I still am, but I don’t want to be scared now, ‘cause you’re here, you came here for me, you got on a plane to London because you’re stronger and braver than me and I love you. I love your humor and the way your mind works, the fact that you love to sleep so much and that you know movies so well. I love that you love your family, that you take care of your friends, that sitcoms make you cry and that you hate roller coasters. I love your hair and your perfume, the way you roll your eyes at my stupid jokes._   
  
“I know. Let’s just, let’s build from here, 'kay?”   
  
“Okay.” he agreed, and he breathed in, deeply, then out. Finally. They stayed in this position, her straddled on his lap and him with his arms wrapped tightly around her, joined in her back, their faces so close together their nose kept bumping into each other.

They talked and talked, catching up on those couple weeks of silence, making up for time wasted in egos and fears. Turns out, she was going to stay for two whole weeks in London, and she had a surprise for him on Friday night. He tried again and again to drag it out of her, but she simply would not give in.

Friday came and she asked him to be ready at 7pm, told him they were going to have dinner at a place she liked. “But what do I wear?” he asked her. “Something in between gym clothes and a three piece suit.” she answered. “That is the vaguest shit I’ve ever heard.” he complained, but he eventually settled for black pants and a black shirt with a burgundy bomber jacket on top. That seemed about right.

Sienna eventually came out of the bathroom and Sebastian thought she looked so beautiful, he had to blink three times to make sure it was real. He walked towards her until they were so close their bodies were pressed into one another. He gave her a soft a kiss on top of her head and whispered “You are breathtaking.” She answered by punching him in the shoulder and he thought that was precisely why he liked her so much.

They got into a Uber that took them to a cool asian fusion restaurant in the middle of the Soho district of London. They followed the waiter all the way in the back, where the place apparently had a small backyard. Sebastian looked around astounded, the place was surrounded by painted bricks walls, the ceiling covered with strings of tiny fairy lights.

Than his gaze ran across the people in the space and quickly, he felt his heart sink into his chest. Everyone there were his friends, all of his truest, bestest friends from home. What on earth…

He turned towards Sienna, his mouth parted in surprise. She grinned back at him, and pointed with her chin back towards the room. Then he saw his mom, standing in the middle of the backyard and he lost it. “Ah shit,” he mumbled as he started crying. “Mama.” he said, hugging his mom tightly. “Happy birthday my love.” she answered with her warm smile and familiar smell.

He made his way around the crowd, receiving hugs and high fives, slowly regaining composure. A waiter materialized out of nowhere with trays of gin & tonics and everyone grabbed one. He propped his glass up, wiping the leftover tears with his sleeve. “Thank you all for coming, I don’t even understand how and why and when-” Sebastian started, but Mackie (who else) interjected. “Thank your girl, she called us up.” Sebastian let his head fall down, closing his eyes for a second, praying he wouldn’t start crying again. “Really?” he asked her, his voice choked by the emotion. “Yeah,” she said quietly. “You shouldn’t be alone in a scary foreign country for your birthday.”

He chuckled, shook his head, he couldn’t believe she thought of that. It was the single most amazing shit anyone had _ever_ done for him. He reeled her in for a hug, stole one, quick kiss from her and whispered in her ear “Thank you baby.”

Sienna let out a quiet chuckle. “You’re welcome.” she said. Sebastian took her around the room, introduced her to his Mama and his best friends. He couldn’t stop marvelling at how comfortable she was, alone with all these people he had known for ever, and she had just met. They eventually sat down for dinner and shared amazing food and way too many bottles of wine. They had the room all night, because Sienna had _rented_ it for the whole night, so they stayed there, moved the tables aside and kept on drinking and talking for hour.

Sebastian found himself looking at her from across the room, she was in a deep conversation with his friend Chace and both were laughing their asses off. He was staring, leaning on the wall, sipping on his drink. Mackie joined him. “Hey man,” he started, nudging him in the ribs. “It’s a great night. That girl is cool.”

“Fuck,” Sebastian sighed. “I can’t believe she did all of that… It’s amazing.”

“You know she called your PA to get my number, right?” Mackie said.

Sebastian smiled. He didn’t know that, and that was so cute he couldn’t bring himself to actually _understand_ it. “Yeah!” Mackie resumed. “Last Saturday, super early, I got a call from her. She was all proper, like “Hello Anthony, we’ve never met, I’m Sienna” and I was like girl, I know who you are, what’s up. And she told me she wanted to surprise you and she needed help, she wanted to fly all your best friends out to London and everything.”

He shook his head in disbelief again, he still couldn’t grasp that it had actually happened, that she had done all of that and that he had _texted_ her for her birthday. He was such an asshole.

Later that night, they finally made their way back to the hotel. As soon as the door was closed and they were alone, he took her to the bedroom, lift her up and eased her back on the bed and joining her so they’d be lying down, facing each other. He pushed a rebel hair strand out of her face and inhaled, gathering up strength for what he was about to say. Her eyes were searching his, she seemed almost worried.

“Sienna,” he started, now stroking her hair nervously. “Thank you so, so much for tonight. I don’t deserve this, it was amazing and perfect.” She opened her mouth, wanting to add something, but he stopped her. “Wait, there’s something I need to say and if I stop I’ll never say it.”

“Go ahead, sorry.” she said, pressing a quick kiss his nose that made Sebastian smile.

“Okay. So, it was perfect, and you’re perfect and I realized something. I realized that I really don’t like it when you’re not here and I don’t give a shit, I don’t want to spent another 2 month away from you, I’ll do whatever the fuck it takes, I’ll work less, or I’ll fly you in and out, or I’ll choose projects closer to you, I don’t-”

Now _she_ stopped him, putting a finger on his lips, her eyes sparkling with emotion. “Seb, you don’t even know how much I wanted you to say that. You don’t have to work less, you don’t have to change anything, I want all of it, I want to travel with you and see the world with you and share shitty room service at night with you.”

He couldn’t believe his ears. “You’re serious?” he asked her, and she nodded yes, so he kissed her, with more passion and more sincerity and more eagerness than he never kissed anyone in his entire life. That was it, the pain and insecurity of the past months, that was gone. She was in this with him, and he was in it with her, they would do it, together.

He broke the kiss and whispered in her mouth “I love you.”

She kissed him right back, moved her mouth to his nose, his forehead, his cheeks,  his chin, and back to his mouth where, right before kissing him again, she said “I love you too.”


	10. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That's it! A quick "what happens next" and we're done. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place a year after, in the summer 2020.
> 
> Thank you SO MUCH for reading this therapeutic experience of mine.   
> Feel free to let me know what you thought, I will read the comments and cherish them with all my heart. 
> 
> I would also like to thank Sebastian Stan for being pretty and his mom for making him.

**Sienna**

Moving to New York hadn’t been a hard decision for Sienna, at all. She did love Montreal, but as she once said, home isn’t always where you were born. Nope, home was with people, where you felt like you belonged, and the day she had moved her few boxes full of stuff into Sebastian’s apartment, she knew she had found precisely that.

Shortly after they had met, a little over three years ago, Sebastian had learned he would become Captain America. It had been stressful for him, but also extremely rewarding, and now he was travelling around, promoting his first movie as the character. 

Sienna’s work as a writer was on her computer, so she was able to travel with him on this press tour. She did that as often as she could, for filming and business related trips like press. The tour was coming to an end, after Asia and Europe, they were in LA, where Sienna had tagged along.

The days were filled with press junkets for Sebastian, whereas Sienna spent most of hers working in cafés. Sebastian had introduced her to the Russo brothers, and Sienna was now developing a Black Widow Netflix Original series with them. It was so much fun it hardly felt like work. Plus, she got to write flashbacks with the Winter Soldier, bringing back the character all the fan loved and missed so much.

When the night would come, Sienna would meet Sebastian at the hotel. They stayed in often, writing together, watching old movies, drinking martinis while playing scrabble and pretending they were fancy. On other nights, they went out with friends. Of Sebastian’s “famous” friend, Sienna liked Mackie the most, but her favorite friends of his were the ones from high school, his older friends, his  _ real _ crew. She fit right in with them, it felt like she always knew them, like she had always been there.

Halfway through the week in LA, it was a beautiful day outside, Sienna was working on a terrasse (thank god for terrasses with wifi) and she knew Sebastian would be stuck all day in a dark room in a huge hotel, speaking with journalist after journalist. She texted Sebastian’s PA to tell her she was coming to meet them at the junket. 

The press tour was such an intense experience for all the actors, especially Sebastian who was so good at this, he always answered the same dumb questions with undying passion and thoughtfully crafted answers, she knew he’d be exhausted. On her way there, she grabbed a huge iced coffee at Starbucks and had the barista write “Chase” on it, Sebastian’s character in  _ The Covenant _ , which was dumb but made her laugh. She got a small one for herself and hopped into a cab.

Once at the hotel, Sebastian’s PA texted her the room number they were in and she made her way to it. She came in right between two interviews. The journalist was reapplying her gloss and the cameraman said “30 seconds.” The room was crowded, posters, food, assistants, agents, Marvel publicists, but at the center of the room were the two chairs, with Mackie and Sebastian on them, their back to the door Sienna had just opened.

From behind, she pressed a kiss on Sebastian’s cheek, put the coffee in his hand and made her way to the other side, behind the camera, out of the shot. Sebastian looked at her, the surprise bringing a huge smile to his face, and mouthed “Thank you babe,” just as the cameraman finished counting from 5 to 0.

 

***

 

**Sebastian**

Another press tour. Still paired with Anthony, which made the excruciating experience that much more fun. The week would end with the worldwide premiere in LA, and then Sebastian would thankfully have a couple months off before his smaller movie that was coming in the fall.

Him and Mackie were sitting in the junket room, waiting for the next interviewer to be ready. He felt a kiss on his cheek, inhaled a familiar perfume, and a hand came from behind him to give him a (much needed) coffee.  _ Fuck _ , that was cute. Just as he was really getting tired and fed up with this endless day, there she was. The interviewer was about to ask her first question when he read “Chase” on his cup and snorted. He looked up again at Sienna, standing, her back to the wall, behind the crew and he gave her a discreet wink. 

“Keep it in your pants,” mumbled Mackie under his breath.

“Congrats on the movie you guys, it was amazing” the interviewer started, and they both went onto “professional” mode. They had to, Marvel kept threatening they would not pair them together again if they continued.

“Thank you.” both of them said in sync.

“Let me start with Sebastian.” he raised his eyebrows and narrowed his eyes, shifting on his uncomfortable chair, trying to appeared focused.  “You just had an amazing couple of years. You won an Oscar, you became Captain America-”

“He got engaged!” his Anthony interrupted.

“Yes, true, you got engaged! Congratulations,” she continued.

Sebastian had proposed last month. They had been dating for only about 10 months, but their story had been more than two years in the making. They did not have a clear date for when it started, so they picked the first time they said I love you. After that magical evening i London, so many things had happened. She had moved to New York for him, they had travelled a lot for work, once to Montreal so he would spend time with his family and meet all of her friends.

He loved Fanny, she was hilarious and reminded him of Anthony for some reason. And Sienna’s sister was the single greatest human being he had ever met. So sweet and pure, honest and good. He binge watched classic horror movies with both of them one night, all her sister’s choices, eating candy and sipping on diet coke under a big blanket, and that had been his favorite night in a long time.

They travelled once more to spend some time together, alone. They flew to New Orleans for four small days where. After a night spent around red wine and a live jazz band in a beautiful courtyard, they started strolling along the waterfront. Their minds fuzzed by the wine and hearts filled with love, Sebastian had gotten on one knee and had barely managed to actually make out the question through the tears. She had said the single greatest work in the english language, _yes_ , and they had kept the news for themselves that night. They had made love in their hotel room and it had been beautiful, the perfect balance of blinding arousal and profound, real, tenderness.

“Thanks.” he said to the interviewer, smiling, looking down at the ground, the memory of that one, stolen night where the secret of the promise was still theirs warming his heart.

He didn’t like talking about his personal life, it was the first time he actually went public with a relationship, normally it was made public for himself because he had only dated actresses up to now, and he still wasn’t used to it.

“I’ll take the credit.” Mackie continued. 

“Is that so?” the interviewer inquired.

Sebastian gave his friend a look that meant _I hate you_ , but Mackie took it as permission to keep going apparently. “Yeah, I was the first to show him the Youtube video, I started it!”   
  
“That’s not exactly how it happened but yeah, thanks Anthony.” he said.   
  
“I like her more than you now.” Mackie joked.   
  
“Love you too Anthony!” Sienna said from her little hiding place, the interviewer turning around to see where it came from.   
  
“What about me?” Sebastian asked, throwing his arms in the air.   
  
“You’re okay I guess.” said the same voice from behind the camera. And everybody laughed.   
  
“Isn’t she great” Mackie said.   
  
“Yeah, yeah she is.” he stated, looking at her. She was, and he was lucky and fucking grateful he asked her to write him some lines in french that one day.


End file.
